


Love's Reflection

by jellybeansarecool



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: All the shippy tropes, Angst, F/M, Fluff, If they were listed on a bingo card we'd all win, Kirsten Beyer, Religion, Rescue Mission, Rituals, Sacrifices, Spoilers for: Isabo's Shirt, Star Trek Valentine's Day Bang 2021, no seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29370924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellybeansarecool/pseuds/jellybeansarecool
Summary: Captain Janeway responds to a call to find and return a young woman feared to be kidnapped and hidden on a forbidden world. All is not as it seems, however, as she must agree to the planet's terms. To be allowed on the surface of the planet, the away team must go under the guise of learning about its culture. This includes participating in a weeklong festival celebrating the planet's Divine Goddess. As Janeway and her crew struggle to find any sign of the young woman, she must also navigate her complicated relationship with her First Officer among a people who uphold the sanctity of the bonded pair.Written for the Star Trek Valentine's Day Bang.
Relationships: Chakotay & Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Comments: 48
Kudos: 49
Collections: Star Trek Valentine's Bang 2021





	1. Prologue: The Request

**Author's Note:**

> As part of the Star Trek Valentine's Day Bang over on Tumblr, I'll be posting a new chapter each day (barring any unforeseen events).  
> My beta (and artist!) was StephaniD. Check out their writing here: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StephaniD/pseuds/StephaniD/works and find them on Tumblr at StephaniDFTBA. I'll be throwing in a link (and the picture they drew!) in the chapter they pulled the scene from so look out for that. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Captain, we’re being hailed.”

Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship _Voyager_ turned in her seat to look at the ensign standing at Ops behind her. “On screen,” she said.

“Yes, ma’am,” Harry Kim nodded with a mischievous smile.

Kathryn managed to suppress an eye-roll as she faced the viewscreen. The streaks of starlight were replaced by one of the more intriguing aliens they had yet encountered in the Delta Quadrant. The man’s large white eyes took up a third of his face and stared out of a mottled pale-blue visage dominated by the small tentacle-like growths falling over his mouth. She wondered if he had any sense of smell or hearing as he had neither nose nor ears. She hid a smile as the growths wiggled back and forth as he began to speak.

“ _Voyager_ , I am Governor-General Alkiba. The tales of your exploits have travelled far and wide. We, the government of Aningulf, request your aid. Our allies have abandoned us; you are our only hope. The lives of our people are at stake,” Alkiba finished with an imperious tilt of his bald head.

Captain Janeway waved her hand discretely, signalling to Kim to place the conversation on hold. She leaned over to her First Officer. “Commander, impressions?” She asked.

Commander Chakotay pulled on his ear, thinking. “We should hear them out,” he decided, lowering his hand to his lap. 

Pleased, Janeway nodded, flashing her friend a quick smile before growing serious once more. “Mr Kim?” She called.

“On it, Captain.”

The Governor-General’s face returned to life, no longer a fixed image on the viewscreen devoid of movement.

“Governor-General Alkiba, I am Captain Katheryn Janeway of–”

The Aningulfi cut her off, “Yes. I know who you are. Are you willing to help us?”

Janeway shook her head lightly. “I cannot promise you anything,” she explained. “But we are willing to hear what troubles you and what you think we can do about your situation.”

The man nodded, his eyes closing in pleasure. “Permission to come aboard?”

The Captain glanced up at her Chief of Security. The stoic Vulcan gave her a sharp nod. Facing Alkiba, she smiled, “Permission granted.”

Once the transmission ended, Kathryn stood taking in her bridge crew, pride and familial love warming her chest. “Tuvok, meet Mr Alkiba and anyone else beaming aboard in transporter room one, once you have them, meet us in the briefing room.”

“Aye, Captain.”

“Commander, I want the senior staff assembled in five minutes.”

Chakotay nodded and watched as Janeway exited the bridge. 

|||||

Commander Chakotay’s eyes widened as he took in the three figures before him. Now that he could see more than the Aningulfi’s head, he was astounded. Rather than limbs, the creatures had long muscular tentacles with suckers serving the role of fingers. Two ‘arms’ and six ‘legs’ allowed the Aningulfi heads of state to move about _Voyager_ with apparent ease. Giving himself a mental shake, Chakotay listened as Governor-General Alkiba introduced his companions.

Alkiba first gestured to the woman on his left, “First Minister Clo,” and then to the older man on his right, “High Emperor Kluuqlan.”

Once everyone was seated, Janeway leaned on the table. “What seems to be the trouble?” She asked.

The Governor-General waved his tentacles about as he spun a tale of high-profile kidnapping. “It’s been weeks,” he said. “And it was only yesterday that our Ministry of Protection heard anything about her abduction.” He ran the back of his tentacle along the fronds that grew on the underside of his jaw. “Intelligence has narrowed down the whereabouts of the woman in question to the capital city of Zamphthar.”

“That’s a small planet in the next system over.”

“Yes. Thank you, First Minister,” Alkiba continued, twisting his facial growths in irritation.

Kathryn raised a hand, forestalling any further comments from the Governor-General. “If you know where she is, why do you need us?”

“And,” Chakotay questioned, “You have clearly stated that this person is a full-grown adult. Have you considered that she has chosen to relocate to another planet and was not, in fact, kidnapped?”

“We have clear evidence that _those who must not be named_ –”

“Our eternal enemies,” Clo supplied. “They reside on a planet beyond the asteroid belt.” She smirked with self-satisfaction.

“ _Thank you, First Minister_. As I was saying, we have evidence that technology used by _those who must not be named_ was instrumental in the victim’s disappearance. So, she did not leave on her own accord.” Alkiba’s milky eyes bore into Chakotay’s dark ones. He turned to the Captain. “We need you because it is forbidden for any Aningulfi to go to Zamphthar. Both we and _those who must not be named_ have a treaty with the Zamphtharian government to never set foot there on the threat of death. We cannot enter their territory; it was part of the treaty after the Great War. They don’t come here. We don’t go there. But you, _Voyager_ , do not have such restrictions. You would be able to search Zamphthar with your scanners and find the missing woman before an interplanetary war breaks out.”

Janeway started to shake her head, “If it’s against your treaty to enter Zamphtharian space, what makes you so sure our arrival would be welcomed? And more importantly, if we are working for you wouldn’t that violate your treaty? You could end up with bigger problems if we go than if you contacted them yourselves and explained the situation.”

For the first time since he had entered the room, the High Emperor spoke, his voice thin and reedy, “Please, you have to help us. This is a big ship, is it not? Surely you need resources to power it? Food to feed your people? We can provide those things and more. Just bring her home.”

“I’m sorry, Sir, but why is the High Emperor of Aningulf so interested in retrieving a missing woman?” Chakotay asked. “I understand there are political implications to her disappearance, but surely you don’t need to take a personal interest in this case?”

The man looked at the Commander sadly. “Do you and your wife have children, Commander?” He asked, first looking at Chakotay and then at Kathryn.

From his seat at the other end of the table, Tom Paris stifled a snigger.

Chakotay and Kathryn looked at each other, confusion mingling with annoyance and resignation flickering between them. “No. We do not have children,” he said, not bothering to clarify an oft-made mistake.

The Emperor sighed. “If you did, you would know that you would do anything, risk anything, give anything, to protect them. Please,” he whispered, “she’s my daughter.”

The Captain’s eyes widened at the revelation.

First Minister Clo leant forward in her seat, explanations falling from her lips. “Lady Ula’s next in line to govern our people,” she explained. “She is meant to marry Chancellor Hiivae in three months and finish her final preparations before taking her place as Empress under her father. One day she will take his place as High Empress.”

Ignoring his First Minister’s propensity for oversharing, Emperor Kluuqlan pleaded, “I just want my little girl home. I need to know she’s safe. Please, help me.”

Chakotay and Janeway shared a look. The Commander felt the ball of tension that had steadily been growing in his stomach solidify. He knew what she was about to say.

“You’ve got our help, Emperor.”

|||||

The Captain requested Chakotay stay behind as the others filed out. She looked at him and felt an irrational irritation rise within her. She could tell from the set of his eyebrows and the shape of his mouth that he was not pleased with her agreeing to the Aningulfi’s request.

“What was I meant to do, Chakotay?” She asked before he had a chance to express his disapproval, her hands resting on her hips.

“Say, ‘No’! What were you thinking? This ‘rescue mission’ is significantly off our current course and potentially dangerous!” He waved his arm about. “We will be entering the territory of a people we don’t know under the guise of friendship while working with their enemies. What happens when they find out, Kathryn? Are a few supplies really worth the risk?”

He shook his head and looked up into the corner of the room, his eyes lingering on the spot where the wall and ceiling met. “Why do I get the feeling that there is more going on than you’re willing to tell me?”

Kathryn began to pace, throwing about arguments for why they needed to aid the Aningulfis. Chakotay listened on in silence, the knot in his stomach growing in size as he accepted the impossibility of changing her mind. She stopped and looked at him, something he couldn’t describe shimmering in her eyes. “The balance of power on that planet may rely on us finding the Emperor’s daughter,” she implored. “Her family, her fiancé – her whole planet! – is worried about her and need her home. She could be in danger, Chakotay. I can’t turn a blind eye.”

Chakotay nodded, assuring her that he would continue to fulfil his role as First Officer admirably, despite the trepidation he felt. He turned to leave when Kathryn’s tone changed, causing him to pause.

Convinced she’d managed to sway him, Janeway leaned back against the briefing room table. “Why is it that almost every new civilisation we come across lately thinks we’re a couple? Have they never seen a female Captain? Or a chain of command?” She groaned good-naturedly.

Chakotay froze, his back to her. He turned and took her in. Her chuckle stuck in her throat at the raw emotion in his eyes. “Is it really that horrible? That repulsive?” He whispered.

“What?” Her voice dropped to meet his, confusion written across her face.

“The idea of us being together,” he clarified, heartbroken. “Is it really that bad that you feel disgusted at the very thought? Don’t lie to me, Kathryn. I felt you tense up when he called you my wife; when he asked if we had children. And last week you nearly bit the head of the Ambassador of the Doxaarian Tribes when he made the same mistake.”

Kathryn felt the blood drain out of her face. She looked at the carpeted floor beneath their feet. Taking a step toward him, she reached out her hand to rest it above his heart but then thought better of it. She dropped her hand and tried to speak, but no words came. The emotions fighting for supremacy within her forestalled any form of verbal communication.

Chakotay pursed his lips and nodded as if she’d confirmed his thoughts. He squared his shoulders and stood at attention, refusing to look her in the eyes. “Well, Captain, I will begin gathering data on Zamphthar in preparation for our mission. If you’ll excuse me?”

Kathryn’s heart tightened when her title exited his lips. Speaking around the lump in her throat, she said, “Dismissed.”

|||||

She watched him leave the room without a backward glance, tears threatening to escape down her face. Feeling as if she was wading through molasses, Janeway made her way back to the table and sat heavily. Dropping her head into her hands, she groaned. He could be so oblivious. It wasn’t that she was disgusted by the idea of being with him, quite the opposite, in fact. Every time a new contact assumed that she and her First Officer were together, it reminded her of what she couldn’t have. Her arms ached to hold him, to be held by him, but her duty, his duty, _their_ duty was to _Voyager_ and her crew. What they wanted just didn’t, _couldn’t_ , be put above that.

She wiped her cheeks dry with her fingers and took a steadying breath. Tonight would be hard. He wouldn’t be there waiting in her quarters with a dimpled smile and dark gentle eyes. They wouldn’t slip into bed together, drawing strength from one another as they held each other close. She wouldn’t wake up to his warm body beside her. Kathryn knew the sharp pain of love and loss that threatened to consume her would dull to a manageable ache over the coming days. She’d experienced this agonising pattern more times than she’d like to admit. Taking a deep breath, she stood. She was ready, or as ready as she was going to be, to step once again into her Captain’s Shoes.


	2. Chapter One: Zamphthar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Voyager convinces the Zamphtharian delegation that they should be allowed on the planet, but it comes at a cost.

Zamphthar loomed large in the window of the Captain’s ready room. Chakotay took in the familiar shape of Kathryn Janeway as she sat twisted on the low couch, looking down at the red and green planet below. Her hand moved wistfully through the air as she traced the small blue outlines of seas and lakes that spotted the planet’s surface. Chakotay smiled when Kathryn realised she was no longer alone in the room, stilling her hand and resting it on her leg. She waited before turning and looking at him.

“Yes, Commander?” She asked, her eyes refusing to settle on him.

Since that day in the briefing room, things had been cool and professional between them. Chakotay wanted to believe that it was for the best despite feeling like a knife had been plunged into his chest. Since he was sure she no longer felt for him as he did for her, he had tried almost everything to cool the flame that burned within him. So far, he’d been unsuccessful, but with time and distance, he was stubbornly hopeful that this might change. Thankfully, she played her role of disinterested Captain well. He was ashamed that part of him desired that the emotional separation between them would hurt her as much as it did him. He mentally shook himself and spoke,

“Captain, we are ready to receive the Zamphtharian delegation.”

“Very well.” She turned back to her view of the planet, dismissing him without a word. He clicked his heels and backed away, knowing that she would soon join them in the briefing room. Disappointment mingled with self-focused frustration at her brusque dismissal. Would he ever be free from her pull? 

|||||

Captain Janeway resisted the urge to run her hand over her face as she listened to the four members of the Zamphtharian delegation exchange pleasantries with her senior staff. Her mind was distracted by the man next to her. Her skin buzzed at his proximity. She’d tried, to no avail, to push her desire for him back into the box in which she had exiled it. But it was proving to be more challenging each time it tasted freedom. She’d tried keeping him at arms’ length, and it was working…somewhat. But having him sit beside her without a generous space between their chairs was proving to be her undoing. Her body ached to be curled into his side, enveloped in his strong arms. What she needed, she decided with an admonishing shake, was a cold shower. The voice of the man in question cut through her musings.

“Thank you for meeting with us. As mentioned in our previous conversation, we – Starfleet – are interested in learning more about your culture and your role in this sector. Ordinarily, we would have requested permission to scan your planet and access important historical, cultural, and economic records, but it appears your upper atmosphere has some unique properties.” He smiled as if sharing a joke. The Zamphtharians nodded in agreement, their pale blue eyes twinkling.

Kathryn fought a frown. Though the delegation and the other senior staff members were unaware, aside, perhaps, from B’Elanna, she knew that hiding the truth was eating away at the Commander. She could see it in the squint of his eyes, the almost imperceptible bounce of his knee, and the slight pressure he applied between his thumb and fingertip as if reminding himself not to tug on his ear.

“So,” Chakotay continued, “we would like to officially request permission to send a team down to the surface that we might experience your culture – your planet – for ourselves. The information we would gather would be greatly appreciated and will play an important role in our understanding of your people.”

“No.”

“No?” The Captain echoed, sharing an incredulous look with her First Officer.

“No, you cannot send a team down to the surface. At least,” Counsel Zaah smiled, exposing sharp canine teeth, “not for anything less than a week, and even then, only those who are bonded can enter Zamphthar’s atmosphere.”

“Why those stipulations?” Chakotay managed to ask over his shock and confusion.

“Our _Week of Holy Adoration_ starts in two moon’s time,” one of the men explained. “It lasts seven moons, and during that time, no one is permitted to travel or work. Unless, of course, their duty is in service of the Holy Week and the Divine Goddess.”

“Of course.”

“If a team comes down and observes our customs, they need to arrive before the start of the festival and remain there until the Eternal Flame enters the Temple of the Divine Goddess.”

Kathryn nodded as understanding dawned. “But what of the bonded pairs you mentioned?”

“We cannot risk angering the Goddess by allowing anyone who is not bonded on the planet. It is her Holy Week, and she is the one who blesses our relationships to each other and to the land. Without her blessing, our government would surely crumble, as would our families. Environmental catastrophes would also befall us. We cannot risk it.” He shook his head before smiling. “But those who are bonded are most pleasing to her, like spiced _zaamithi_ , they would be most welcome.”

A small hum vibrated at the back of Kathryn’s throat. After a pause, she nodded once more. “I must talk privately with my First Officer and Chief of Security,” she said. “We will apprise you once we have decided who will join you on Zamphthar. Thank you for your openness to allowing us to explore your culture.” Her hands spread out before her in a gesture of peace and blessing.

The four delegates bounced their heads in unison, smiles pulling at their tight pale skin. “We eagerly await your decision,” their spokesman intoned before they all stood.

“Mr Kim, please accompany the Zamphtharian delegation to the transporters,” the Captain instructed.

“Yes, Captain.”

Once Harry and the men had left, the others filed out of the room to return to duty.

Kathryn bit back a smirk when she overheard Tom whispering to B’Elanna, “Is it just me or do they look like vampires to you too?” While Torres wasn’t quite sure of her lover’s reference, Janeway had to agree with her pilot’s impression. The Zamphtharians did indeed look like the mythic immortals of ancient earth. Their dark hair, pale blue eyes, and pale white skin accompanied by their pointed teeth, sharply chiselled features, and long bony limbs and fingers gave them the illusion of having just stepped out of a dark, dank castle seeking fresh blood. Kathryn was glad that though these creatures dressed the part in flowing cloaks and heavy gold jewellery, they seemed hospitable, unlike their fictional counterparts. 

|||||

They had been at it for almost fifteen minutes, and so far the only thing Janeway, Chakotay, and Tuvok could agree upon was that Tom Paris and B’Elanna Torres should be on the away team. As the Captain, Kathryn was loath to sending the pair down for a week alone on such a delicate rescue mission. As their friend, she felt a strong sense of duty to send down another couple that would aid them in searching for the Emperor’s daughter, keep with the Zamphtharian customs, and not antagonise the short-tempered engineer and her equally short-tempered partner. Kathryn had seen remarkable growth in both of them. Still, she didn’t want to add to what would already be a stressful situation, especially without the possibility of a beam out over the duration of the festival.

Tuvok’s calm voice cut through Kathryn’s musings. Chakotay smiled as she whipped her head around to look at her old friend. Tuvok had been contemplative so far, adding suggestions only as necessary, and the Captain was ready to hear whatever input he might have on the situation.

“Captain,” he said in grave tones, “we have exhausted the list of possible couples aboard _Voyager_ , and none of them prove to be a logical match for Paris and Torres. After much consideration, I believe it would be logical to falsify a bonded pair. We are already deceiving the Zamphtharians, further subterfuge, while unpleasant, appears to be our only course of action.”

Kathryn groaned. She rubbed small circles on her right temple to alleviate the headache beginning to form there. “You’re right, Tuvok. As much as I hate it, you’re right. We need to think of two people who would be able to go down with Tom and B’Elanna to find the missing woman while also maintaining the cover of being in a relationship.”

Janeway turned to look at the two men. She pointed at them both, her free hand resting authoritatively on her hip. “But I’m not going to send down anyone who wouldn’t readily agree to be in a ‘relationship’ with their partner. I am not going to command anyone to be in a relationship, fake or not. I don’t know what’s going to be required during the festival and I refuse to put anyone in a situation they wouldn’t consent to under other circumstances.”

Chakotay caught her eye, pride and agreement shone in his clear orbs. Kathryn felt her breath catch in her chest. She tore her gaze away and began to pace. “So. Names. What have you got?”

Chakotay smirked, mischief written across his face as he turned toward the Chief of Security. “What about the Doctor and Tuvok?”

If a Vulcan could look horrified then Tuvok’s face at the Commander’s suggestion was the perfect example. Even words escaped him. For a moment, he scowled at the other man before making a dense and convoluted argument for why he and the Doctor were not logical choices. “…furthermore,” he said before the Captain cut him off.

“Tuvok, I’m not asking you to go down to the surface.” She glared at Chakotay, but the smile she was fighting to keep off her face undermined its punch.

Chakotay grinned and shrugged before suggesting Seven. Kathryn’s stomach plunged before curling in a dozen knots. She was surprised by the horror his words provoked in her, particularly the horror at one specific thought. Somehow, she managed to voice it. “Are you volunteering to go down with her?” She winced, disgusted at how her voice threatened to break and reveal her utter dislike of the idea.

Chakotay’s dark eyes bore into hers. They held intelligence and understanding, forcing her to look away. Her heart clenched, he suspected something. “No, Captain,” he finally said with a slight frown. He tilted his head, a smirk pulling at his lips once more, teasing. “Would _you_ like to go down with her?”

Kathryn’s eyebrows rose. On the one hand, she was relieved that that was where his mind went, rather than probing at the truth. On the other, she was confused. Surely, he didn’t think… Of course, she couldn’t deny that the younger woman was beautiful and undoubtedly desirable, but she had long ago taken Seven under her wing. She felt like a mother to her, and the thought of having to pretend to be sexually bonded to a Seven… No. She would consider participating in the festival with only one person, and that person wasn’t their resident Borg specialist.

Apparently, she had taken too long to answer. Chakotay’s smirk turned to surprise, and his jaw dropped a little. “Really?” He asked.

Kathryn shook her head. Her mind scrambled to respond to his assumption without further widening the gap between them. Before she could make some excuse or suggest poor Harry as a replacement, Tuvok broke in, unaware of the tension rising between his commanding officers.

“Seven is too inexperienced in human relationships, particularly romantic ones, to be a member of this away team. While she has considerable skills that would prove useful in search of the High Emperor’s daughter, she poses too great a risk to the mission’s subversive nature. This is unfortunate; I’m sure we would have had any number of volunteers, male and female, willing to play her bonded partner. But we must consider other options. Perhaps Ensigns Vorik or Wildman?”

This time it was the Commander’s turn to disagree. “We can’t expect Sam to be away from Naomi for an entire week. And while she would be able to bring incredible insight into our understanding of the Zamphtharians and their culture, I don’t think she would agree to a fake relationship.”

Kathryn nodded, “No, this isn’t a mission for Sam, I’m afraid. And I don’t think it’s right for Vorik either. No,” she shook her head in frustration, “we need someone else.”

The two men watched in silence as Kathryn rubbed her face and began to pace. Seconds dragged into minutes, and the answer continued to elude them. Chakotay was about to suggest bringing Tom and B’Elanna into the discussion in hope that the pair would see the answer they were missing when he noticed a change come across Kathryn’s face. Taking a second look, he was surprised to note the steeled resolution that had settled over her features. She had come up with a solution, but Chakotay feared that he wouldn’t like it. Preparing himself for the worst, he opened his mouth to ask her what she had decided when she turned to Tuvok.

“The Commander and I need to speak alone,” she told him. “I will call you when we’ve reached an agreement.”

Tuvok’s eyebrow rose in curious astonishment. True to form, however, he nodded and left the room in silence. Kathryn refused to look at Chakotay. She resumed her pacing. This time, however, at a furious speed while her shoulders bunched up around her ears. Chakotay watched as her plan spun over and over in her mind. The longer she continued to pace, the more uncomfortable he got.

He worked the muscles in his jaw, resigning himself for what was likely to turn into another argument before she disregarded his opinions and suggestions and did whatever the hell she wanted. In truth, he was tired. Sometimes it felt like he gave and gave but got little in return. He knew, though, that his own attempts were becoming fewer and further between. He could feel himself pulling away from her despite how his heart was still tied to her’s. They both walked long trodden paths, digging deeper into the ruts in which they had fallen. What they needed, he decided, was something that would force them to approach the problem of their relationship and interactions with each other in a new way. But there were little such opportunities out in the Delta Quadrant.

His mind hummed. Perhaps the solution was here after all. If only he could get Kathryn to agree to go to the planet’s surface with him. By forcing them to alter their actions, at least in public for the sake of the mission, their day-to-day habits might be shaken enough to confront what they so desperately hid from. He bit back a sigh. She would never agree to it. Not only should she stay on _Voyager_ , as Tuvok would no doubt agree, but she had confirmed in all but words that there was nothing between them anymore; if there ever was.

Sick of the spiralling thoughts that swam through his mind, Chakotay stood in Kathryn’s path, reaching out his hands and gripping her forearms. “What is it?” He asked. “What is your solution?”

The Captain tore herself from his grip and stepped back, her arms crossing themselves over her chest. “I don’t have one. At least, not yet,” she lied, her head tilted away, eyes refusing to meet his.

Chakotay’s own eyes narrowed. “You do. I know you have a solution. The problem is, you don’t like it, and I’m assuming I won’t either.”

Kathryn bowed her head, her arms hanging loose at her sides, and mumbled.

“What?”

She looked him in the eye and enunciated slowly and firmly, “You and I should go.”

Shocked, Chakotay repeated, “What?”

“It needs to be us, Commander. We should be the ones to go down with B’Elanna and Tom. We already get mistaken for a couple. How hard will it be to let people assume they’re right?” A hint of anger curled at the edge of her voice. Chakotay wasn’t sure if it was frustration at others’ assumptions or at him for not agreeing instantly.

He let out a bark of laughter and shook his head, scarcely believing what he was hearing. Was she really willing to play that role? To let him stand beside her as her equal partner, if only for that one gloriously golden moment? Or was he going to have to merely remain another member of her crew she was bound to protect even at the loss of her own humanity? To step beyond those bounds seemed like an unexpected miracle.

Misinterpreting his laughter, Kathryn’s hands curled into fists at her sides. Drawing on years of self-discipline, she took a deep breath and released the tension she held within her. Slowly unfurling her hands, she stepped closer, invading his space. Surprised, he dipped his head to look down at her, while she arched her neck to peer into his face. Determination marked the set of her jaw and the flash of her eyes.

Refusing to let the moment fall into disarray, she raised her hand and placed it with deceptive tenderness on his chest. “You were wrong, you know,” she finally said.

Beneath her palm, she could feel his heart pick up in agitation, but he spoke only a single word, “Oh?”

“I don’t find you _or_ the idea of us repulsive. Whatever you’ve convinced yourself of, Chakotay, it isn’t true. My feelings, my–” She paused, clearing her throat as the word became lodged in it.

Chakotay’s heart continued to pound within his chest. He felt a rush of adrenalin shoot through his body. Externally, however, he fought to maintain his calm demeanour. He raised a hand to clasp the small one resting on his chest.

Kathryn resumed her whispered confession. “My _devotion_ to you hasn’t changed,” she said, her eyes staring resolutely at his chest. “But neither have our circumstances. It would break me to thrust aside my oath, my vow, to _Voyager_ and the crew. I just can’t let this,” she patted the spot above his heart, “happen. Not in the way I – we? – want. But it kills me every time I can’t,” She choked on her words and buried her head in his chest. His strong arms curled around her, holding her close.

“Kathryn, if that’s how you feel then we shouldn’t be on the away team. We’ll find someone else to do it. Perhaps Tom or B’Elanna will have an idea. We should ask them.” He sighed, “But we can’t pretend like this conversation never happened. We have to talk about this. We can’t keep toeing the line and then backing off when it gets too close or too hard.”

When she didn’t respond, Chakotay shook his head, saying, “I can’t ask you to do something you wouldn’t ordinarily choose to do. You are worth as much,” _if not more_ , he added silently, “as any member of this crew. You wouldn’t make someone else do this, why are you doing it to yourself?”

“I’m not punishing myself if that’s what you think,” she replied, a firmness returning to her voice, her eyes seeking out his once more. “This is about _Voyager_ and about a young woman who’s far from home, taken away from the things she loves by forces beyond of her control. She’s probably afraid and unsure if she’ll ever see her friends and family again. I can’t abandon her. I _won’t_ abandon her.”

He nodded. In the tale of the lost woman, Chakotay heard Kathryn’s own story, her own guilt and fear reflected through someone they’d never met. If she couldn’t get her crew home, or herself home, then the least she could do was find this young woman and make sure _she_ could return. His heart tore at everything Kathryn routinely took upon her shoulders. If only she could let herself share them. He hoped against hope that she would know that once again, he was giving himself to her. He felt her relax against him in relief, her head tucking back into his chest, stealing a moment that shouldn’t be theirs.

Strengthened and encouraged by the feel of her in his arms, Chakotay opened his heart to her anew. He bowed his head further, brushing his lips against her hair. “Kathryn,” he whispered, giving in to her wishes, his tender voice caressing her, “Let me love you, if only for a week.”

Surprised, she looked up. The tears pricking her eyes were reflected in his own. Resolution flashed across her face. Before Chakotay could register it, Kathryn pushed up on her toes and captured his mouth in hers. The shock of finding her lips pressed against his faded quickly, and before long, he met her; movement for movement. Her hands curled tightly into his uniform while he pulled her closer against his body. Much too soon Kathryn released her grip on his shirtfront and pushed him gently away, ending the kiss.

Confused at the loss of her, Chakotay tilted his head, taking her in. Torn at the sight of tears running down her cheeks, a vulnerability she never let herself show to anyone, he wanted to pull her close and take away the pain she felt and share in the joy he could see hiding behind it.

Kathryn took another step back, raising a hand to wipe her face as she struggled to get her emotions under control. She took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have–,” she started.

Chakotay’s heart fell.

“Chakotay, this is a job, just like every other one we’ve been on. I need to know that you understand that. It’s not anything more, or anything less.” He watched as she re-built the wall around her heart, brick by brick.

The Commander reached up to tug on his ear. Part of him wanted to apologise for kissing her back. The other part, the much larger, stronger part, wanted to hoard the memory for the rest of his life and see the universe be damned before he apologised for something so good and right. His mouth stayed resolutely shut.

She took a step back toward him as if there was some sort of gravitational pull that kept them dancing side by side. When one strayed too far it brought them back, but when one moved too close, it pushed them, forcing them to always circle the other. She opened her mouth to speak when Tuvok’s voice sounded through her combadge.

“Captain, I must urge you and the Commander to come to a decision quickly. The Zamphtharians are becoming restless. They wish to prepare quarters and the appropriate supplies for the away team, but they cannot do that without your final approval.”

Kathryn turned back toward Chakotay. “Well, Commander?”

Small dimples appeared on his cheeks as he pulled his lips tightly together. Uncertainty glimmered in his eyes.

Fierce determination moulded Kathryn’s features into an impenetrable fortress. “We can do this. It isn’t…” The words _New Earth_ floated unsaid in the air between them. The Captain cleared her throat. “It’s work, another away mission. We’ve done hundreds of them, and this one isn’t going to be any different. But I need you to agree.”

Chakotay’s breath caught at the feelings that escaped the stronghold Kathryn was rebuilding before his eyes. Love. Sadness. Hope. Fear. They shone through her eyes and settled on the curve of her lips and brows. He wanted to be angry that the miracle he thought they had was slipping through his fingers. Her demeanour stopped him. She was trying to hide it, trying to pass off this mission as just another routine trip down to the surface of an unknown planet.

He could tell her efforts to retreat behind her Captain’s mask was hurting her as much as it was hurting him. The anger licking at the edge of his soul changed form. Unable to do anything but agree, he nodded.

At Chakotay’s brisk movement, Kathryn turned away from him and tapped her combadge requesting Tuvok join them. Unsurprisingly, when the Security Chief heard what the Captain was planning, his displeasure was palpable.

“Captain,” he said, “this is unwise. We cannot have four senior staff – the Captain, First Officer, Chief Engineer, and pilot – on the same away team for an entire week. Further, you and the Commander have not been yourselves around each other for quite some time now. If you were any other human pair, I would say you had shared an unsuccessful romantic liaison.”

Kathryn’s eyebrows shot up at her friend’s words. Beside her, Chakotay rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

The Chief of Security continued without pause. “I do not think this act of deception would be prudent. While I do not doubt both your skills in this area, I am unsure that together you would be able to play the role of a bonded pair for an entire week.”

Kathryn raised her hand, stopping Tuvok from adding any other observations or opinions. Her jaw was set tight. “Tuvok, our number one priority is to get this ship home. If a week of pretending to be a couple gets us necessary supplies, then you can rest assured that the Commander and I can set aside any grievances you think we might have. We will make sure this mission is successful. I trust that you will be able to look after _Voyager_ while we are planetside?”

“Of course, Captain.”

“Good. Then it’s agreed.” 

|||||

Tom Paris looked at the Captain in disbelief. Of all the crazy, half-cocked plans, this had to be one of the worst he’d heard, which was something, coming from him. He glanced over at B’Elanna and quickly looked away, her glare could set the warp core into overload. Everyone knew that the Captain and the Commander had a thing. What sort of _thing_ was the subject of more than one betting pool. But the question was, could they confront, admit, and face what was between them for the success of the mission? Paris wasn’t too sure. Much like Tuvok, there was little Tom or B’Elanna could do or say to dissuade their commanding officer. They were left with agreeing to the plan, which they did. Despite being apprehensive, they trusted their Captain implicitly. 

|||||

“Your people intrigue me, Federation,” the leader of the Zamphtharian delegation said to Chakotay.

The Commander frowned. “What do you mean, Counsel Zaah?”

“You are bonded, yet your partner does not serve with you? Do you not share in your tasks together? On Zamphthar bonded pairs complete their tasks as one.” He turned and pointed to the man next to him. “Counsel Zo is my bonded. We work together, and yet you do not.”

Chakotay tilted his head slightly. “You are correct,” he said. “My people do not have bonded pairs doing the same tasks. We each do what we are best gifted at. But that doesn’t impede our connection to each other; in fact, many would say it strengthens it. I’m curious, however, as to why you think my partner is not at the table with us.”

Zo pointed a long sharp fingernail at Chakotay’s tattoo before tracing the same place on his own forehead. “You have a mark of bonding,” he explained. “And yet, no one at this table shares such a mark. I can only conclude that your bonded is elsewhere on your ship. Or perhaps they are on your home planet?” His pale eyes flashed wide, “They have not passed on to serve the Goddess in her realm, have they? Forgive me. I do not wish to enlarge your pain.”

Chakotay shook his head. Opening his hands wide, he comforted the other man. “Do not worry. My bonded has not joined the Spirits. I pray that it will be a long time before either of us must walk that journey. But I must tell you, this,” he ran his finger over the dark lines, echoing the movement made by Counsel Zo, “isn’t a symbol of bonding. At least, not between my partner and I. Rather, it’s a symbol of my people. I took it to honour my father and our culture.”

The four Zamphtharian delegates nodded, satisfied. Zaah turned his attention to Captain Janeway. “Your Chief of Security informed us that you are sending two bonded pairs down to celebrate the festival with us?”

Janeway nodded. “Lieutenants Tom Paris and B’Elanna Torres.” She pointed to them in turn. Before she could continue, Zo interrupted,

“And they are bonded?”

“Yes.”

“And the other pair?” Counsel Xephie asked, her voice smooth and melodic.

Kathryn took a deep, steadying breath. She glanced over at the man beside her. “Commander Chakotay and I will be the other bonded pair joining you,” she said as she deliberately placed her hand over his.

Harry Kim and Seven-of-Nine, unaware of the Captain’s plan were shocked. Kim’s jaw dropped as Seven’s eyebrow twitched.

Zo looked at Chakotay, “Why did you not tell us that the Captain is your bonded?”

Chakotay and Kathryn shared a look, but before they could respond, Counsel Xalmer stood. He rested his hands on the table, the thick chains around his neck hovering above the smooth surface. Xalmer had been silent up until this point, watching and listening. A low growling sound vibrated in his throat. “While my colleges may be willing to believe that both of you are bonded pairs, I have my doubts. How do you plan on proving your words?”

Xephie shot her husband a dirty look before smiling at the Captain. “Forgive Xalmer; he gets easily worked up. You see, on Zamphthar those who are bonded are marked as such.” She ran a sharp fingernail down the visible scar running under her cheekbone, accentuating the already defined feature. Each member of the delegation had matching scars running down both sides of their faces. “But you have no such marks apart from the Commander’s, and we’ve already determined that his marking serves a different purpose. So, how do we know you are speaking the truth?"

B’Elanna’s brows furrowed. Crossing her arms over her chest, she was ready to give the Zamphtharian a good tongue lashing when Janeway caught her eye. She slowly lowered her arms and fought back the words that threatened to burst out. Beside her, Tom stifled a chuckle.

“No one said we didn’t mark each other,” he muttered under his breath. “It’s just not permanent.”

Janeway shot him a furious look causing him to realise that he may have said his latest piece of commentary louder than he intended. Across the table, Harry’s eyes bulged.

Counsel Xalmer’s pointed brow reached greater heights as he swung his head to stare at Paris. “Explain,” he demanded.

Risking a peek at his commanding officers, Paris gulped at the way their faces hardened. He dared not look at Torres as he sat up in his chair wondering how he’d get out of this one. He ran a hand over the back of his neck and cleared his throat. “When two people love each other,” he stumbled, “they can show their love by, err, well um, _marking_ each other.”

“Show me.”

Beside him, B’Elanna groaned softly and dropped her head into her hands.

Chakotay began to argue against the necessity of such an action when Janeway touched his arm, shaking her head slightly. She turned, meeting Tom with an impressive glare. “Mr Paris?"

Tom’s face burned bright red. He had never desired to remember to use the dermal regenerator before his duty shift as much as he did at that moment. Slowly he stood and shed his jacket. His Starfleet issue shirt was next. Finally, he pulled off his tank, revealing various love bites and a few thin scratch marks. The blush that began on his face spread down his neck and onto his chest. He wrung the shirt in his hands.

Nodding to himself, Xalmer shifted his attention to Chakotay. “Commander?” He asked.

Fumbling, Tom rushed to pull his clothes back on and quickly sat down in his seat, his eyes firmly fixed on the table in front of him.

The attention of the entire room shifted to Chakotay. Panic briefly flashed in his eyes. He turned to look at Kathryn. She tilted her head and gave him an apologetic shrug.

The Commander cleared his throat, knowing that if he were forced to bare his chest, then their charade would be over. They wouldn’t be able to recover the High Emperor’s daughter, and they wouldn’t get the supplies they needed. He blinked, an idea began to form in his head. He smiled. Beside him, Kathryn frowned.

“Counsel Xalmer, I am not going to lie to you. Unlike Lieutenant Paris, I do not have any marks.”

The delegates gasped. Kim looked like he was about to weep in relief.

Chakotay continued, bolstered by the feel of Kathryn’s hand gripping his thigh. She would say she trusted his judgement, but he knew she was concerned with where he was going with this. “As I hinted at earlier, I do not share the same people as Lieutenants Paris or Torres. Ka- Captain Janeway and I are also not of the same culture. She respects my traditions, and I hers. So, we have other ways to demonstrate our bonding with each other.” Reassured, Kathryn patted his leg and drew her hand away.

“What are these ways?”

A heavy silence filled the room. Looking at each other, Kathryn and Chakotay froze. Janeway’s brain spun, what now? The Commander bit the inside of his lip, sending up a silent plea to the Spirits for inspiration. Taking one last look at the comforting angles of Kathryn’s face, he turned back to the delegation.

"In addition to spending time with each other, doing things for each other, and protecting each other’s minds and bodies, we have ritual gifts we give each other,” he listed, hoping that they wouldn’t ask to see one of the gifts.

Xalmer rubbed his pointed chin, calculating. “Show me.”

Chakotay’s shoulders stiffened, his back rigid.

Kathryn stood slowly, her hand moving to squeeze his bicep. Chakotay looked up at his Captain, worry shining deep in his eyes. She gave him a small nod. The light changed to the quiet strength she relied on. Seeing it, she knew what she was about to do was the right thing. _For the young woman_ , she reminded herself.

“Excuse me,” Captain Janeway said, “I’ll only be a minute.”

Xalmer nodded, and the other members of the delegation smiled encouragingly. 

|||||

Leaving the room, Kathryn made her way toward her quarters. Stepping into them brought a sense of relief and calm. The anxiety that had been building throughout the meeting abated somewhat. She crossed over to her wardrobe. In the back corner of the narrow shelf that rested above her uniform jackets was a small object wrapped in a deep coloured strip of cloth. She pulled the fabric off the dark varnished wood and tossed it onto her rack.

Kathryn’s finger caressed the carvings on its side as she traversed the halls heading back in the direction of the waiting group. When the door slid open in front of her, she saw Torres whispering furiously to Lieutenant Paris and decided the young man wouldn’t require a dressing down from her. B’Elanna had it well in hand.

The Captain felt her heart pick up speed when she reached the table with her treasure. Chakotay’s presence gave her the courage needed to push the wooden object toward the Zamphtharian delegation. They looked at her curiously. Chakotay cleared his throat, ready to explain. Under the table, she held onto his hand, trying to give him the strength she so often received from him.

“This is a bonding box,” Chakotay began, debating how much of the truth to tell them. “For my people, it embodies the eternal ties between two souls. Like your bonding marks, it declares to others that we, Kathryn and I, are bonded together. You see this design?” The Commander ran a finger across the three circles adorning the top. Unbeknownst to his audience, he had redesigned the three interlocking circles to stand in separation from one another. Looking at the three carved lines, he felt a flame of hope burst into life.

Chakotay’s eyes flicked to Kathryn’s as his lips twisted the truth. “One circle represents my life and another the Captain’s. The final circle is our life together as one.” He held his breath as he waited for the Zamphtharian’s response. After a soul-destroying moment, Counsel Xalmer nodded his approval and pushed the box back toward the command team. Releasing his hand, Kathryn reached forward and drew the box toward her. She fought the impulse to hug it to her chest.

On Xalmer’s approval, Counsel Zaah retrieved the satchel that had been sitting at his feet. Reaching in, he pulled out a thick folder with a handful of glossy paper brochures poking out the top. Fishing around in the bag, he took out two PADD-like devices. Beside him, Counsel Xephie placed four documents with an official-looking letterhead in front of her along with their duplicates. Flourishing an expensive-looking fountain pen, she signed both copies of the papers as did her fellow dignitaries. Pushing the documents toward the Starfleet Officers, she instructed them to sign. Tuvok signed the last paper with a flick of his wrist and Xephie took out a thin black camera to make digital copies.

She smiled at _Voyager_ ’s crew, handing one of the copies to each of them, she stamped them as she went. “Make sure to keep these with you at all times. If a Peacekeeper asks to see it and you don’t have it on hand, they are legally approved to place you in prison. Of course, that’s the last thing we want.”

Counsel Zaah opened the folder in front of him, explaining that it held some information they had pulled together of the planet and its festival. He explained that they would use the small tablets to contact them and transmit each day's details. Pushing the folder to the middle of the table, he stood. The rest of the delegation followed suit. They bowed, their heavy chains bouncing against their narrow chests as they stood upright.

“Someone will meet you on the surface at 10 am central time.” Counsel Zo looked at Tuvok, “Shall we work out the currency exchange now?”

Tuvok nodded, holding out an arm for them to leave before him.

When only the away team were left in the room, Paris turned to his commanding officers with a smile. “I can’t believe they bought it. That box was a stroke of genius.”

A gentle silence fell over them. “I guess we should go pack.”

Janeway nodded her head, dismissing them. Torres paused her advance toward the door. She looked at Chakotay with a soft, gentle gaze that caught Kathryn off guard. Janeway glanced at the Commander and was surprised to note that he refused to look his old friend in the eye. Torres waited a moment longer before turning and following Tom out of the room. 

|||||

Janeway went to leave when Chakotay’s hand shot out and took hold of her arm. “We need to talk,” he said.

“Chakotay…”

“No, Kathryn, if we’re going to do this, we need to talk.”

Kathryn sighed, pulling her arm from his hand. “There is more to talk about than we can do now. Let’s just focus on the mission. We can talk after.”

Facing her, Chakotay placed his hands on her upper arms. After a beat, he pulled her flush against himself and moved his arms to wrap around her. She stood stiff in his embrace. He lowered his head to rest on hers. Warming to the hug, she relaxed and wrapped her own arms around his broad torso. As much as she wanted to deny it, it felt right. But there were other things to think about, like _Voyager_ and a kidnapped future empress. Despite these things and the twenty other pressing concerns that fought for her attention, she refused to move from her best friend’s embrace.

“Promise me,” Chakotay spoke after some time. “Promise me we will actually talk about this, that you won’t push it away again.”

From her position in his arms, he felt her nod against his chest.

He sighed in relief. “Thank you.” But even as the words left his mouth fear that they wouldn’t seeped into his heart.

|||||

Janeway exited the room to find Seven waiting for her. She cocked her eyebrow and gestured for the younger woman to follow her. As they walked towards the Captain’s Ready Room, Kathryn asked, “What can I do for you, Seven?”

“Is it true that you and Commander Chakotay are in a sexual relationship?”

Janeway froze, her ready room a few meters in front of them. She turned to look at her protégé, hoping fervently that the staff on the bridge had not overheard the younger woman’s question. Nothing in Seven’s expression, or lack thereof, betrayed her thoughts.

“Why are you asking, Seven?”

The woman paused for a moment. “Is this another of those _private_ matters humans do not talk about?” She deflected.

Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose, whispering harshly, she said, “No, the Commander and I are not in a sexual relationship.”

Seven nodded crisply. Though her expression hadn’t shifted, she seemed pleased.

“If that’s all?”

“Yes, Captain."

Kathryn continued toward her Ready Room. Seven watched as she moved away. Just as the doors swept open, Seven called out, “Do you wish to be in a sexual relationship with the Commander?”

The bridge crew fought to keep straight faces as they busied themselves with non-existent tasks.

Kathryn spun around, her infamous ‘death glare’ in full force. “That is not something we call out across the bridge, Seven. If you’re not required at your station, I suggest you find somewhere else to be.” Without waiting for a response, she stalked into the Ready Room intent on getting her hands around a mug of hot coffee.

|||||

B’Elanna stood in her quarters, holding a dress in her hands. Her mind was stuck on that small, varnished box Kathryn had brought to the meeting. She’d been friends with Chakotay long enough to understand what that box really was. She was worried about him. She would know if the Commander and the Captain were in a relationship. They were not. But if he’d given her that box… Her mind tried to grasp the truth and its implications when Tom placed his hand on her shoulder. She gasped and turned toward him.

“You ok?” He asked.

She shrugged, her eyebrows furrowing. He wrapped his arms around her and drew her close. Pressing a soft kiss to her neck, Paris whispered, “Want to talk about it?”

Torres nuzzled her head into his chest. “No.”

Pulling away from B’Elanna, Tom moved back to help with the packing. Recognizing that she needed a distraction, he joked, unwittingly asking her the very thing she didn’t want to talk about. “Do you think they’ll pull it off? The Captain and Chakotay, I mean.”

B’Elanna huffed, “We should be more concerned about us.”

“What?”

“We’re the ones who have to be on the planet with our commanding officers pretending to be in a relationship. We’re going to need all the help we can get.”

Tom laughed.


	3. Chapter Two: The Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arriving on Zamphthar the away team learns there's more to the festival than they first suspected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here in NZ, happy Valentine's Day! To those of you with partners (like my flatmates), I hope you will be able to spend a little time with them in whatever shape and form that takes this year. I hope this day will be relaxing and fun for those of you who are unattached (like me). I know I'm looking forward to a hot drink, a movie, and the flat to myself!
> 
> Warning: This chapter contains mentions of blood and animal sacrifice.

The four members of the away team carried their bags up the steps of the transporter pad ready to beam down to the surface. Beside the young woman at the controls, Tuvok stood stoically, watching them with a discerning eye. The Captain smiled reassuringly.

“Energize,” she commanded, her rich voice vibrating through the air.

When the tingling sensation of the transporter subsided, the four of them looked around wondering who their contact might be. A young woman with fresh angry marks on her cheeks ran up to them, her thick cloak flying behind her.

“Voyager!” She cried, waving her arm directing their attention to her. “Welcome to Zamphthar. My name is Xylkie, and I’ll be your guide. Anything you need or any questions you have, just ask me! Please. Follow me. We’ve booked you a place in Zamphthar’s _First Hotel_. I hope you’ll find it well equipped for all your needs.”

The team followed behind the bubbly young woman. Tom whispered to the others, “I don’t think I’ve ever met a vampire quite so bouncy and loud.” He winced as her chattering voice reached another octave.

B’Elanna smacked the back of her hand against his chest. “Tom!” She hissed, “They’re not vampires.”

Rubbing his chest at the point of impact, he chuckled.

The foyer of the hotel was bathed in rich red velvet. The vibrant cloth covered dark varnished wood and offset the smooth marble floor. Walking up to reception, Xylkie checked the guests in and guided them to the elevator.

Waiting for the elevator doors to open, Xylkie turned to her companions. “Each morning we will have someone deliver the food you’ll need for the day. We’ve been in contact with your chef aboard _Voyger_ , so there should be a good selection!”

The team shared worried glances. Who knew what Neelix told them?

The doors opened, and they piled into the elevator. The walls above the chrome railing were mirrors, replicating their images over and over again. Kathryn enjoyed the irony of creatures resembling vampires surrounding themselves with reflective glass.

Xylkie let out a happy little sound as she pressed the number for their floor, “You’re on the fifth floor. I really hope you like it! We’ve booked an apartment suite for you all. With how busy the city is with the festival, the Divine Goddess has surely blessed you!”

“Is the festival only held in the Capitol?” Chakotay inquired.

“No,” Xylkie giggled. “Celebrations are held all over the planet! But the ones held in the city’s centre are the most coveted. Everyone who lives here is allowed to go, but you have to buy a pass if you're from another region. There are only a select number of passes, so you’re really lucky!”

“What makes the Capitol’s festivities the best?”

They exited the elevator; their slow ambling walk leaning itself well to the discussion. The young woman trotted backwards as she talked to them.

“I think it’s because we have the high priest presiding over the events. It’s an honour to be blessed by him because he’s the closest to the Divine Goddess.”

“Does everyone get blessed by this priest?” The Captain asked.

“Oh no,” Xylkie shook her head. “Only those who are bonded are blessed for the coming year. This will be my first time participating! Because we’ve been chosen to be your guides, my bonded and I get to join the Capitol’s festivities. We’re meant to celebrate with a different region,” she trailed off, attempting to follow a thought that flashed across her mind.

“Oh!” She cried, remembering something. “Because you’re all bonded you get to participate as well! The entries for the different events close this afternoon. You need to make sure you chose which ones you’re going to do and of course, sign up for the Bonded Path. You know what that is, don’t you?”

“We’ve been given some information.”

“Good! Oh, here’s your room.” She flicked a small plastic card in front of a black card reader and inputted the four-digit code. Pushing open the door, she smiled and waved the away team inside. They walked into an open living area that boasted wooden shelves, plush couches, and a fully equipped kitchen. Chakotay wanted to pull off his shoes and bury his toes in the thick charcoal pile.

Xylkie handed them all their own black entry cards. She bounced on the balls of her feet. “Ok. Well. If you don’t need anything else, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Kathryn chuckled as the young woman left them to their own devices. She felt Chakotay take her bag from her hand and move toward one of the dark polished doors. Tom, meanwhile, popped his head out of the other room he had gone to explore.

“Does that one have a ‘fresher too?” He asked Chakotay when the older man emerged.

The Commander laughed, “Yes. It also has a balcony and,” he turned to Kathryn with a dimpled smile, “a bathtub.”

Tom didn’t register the massive grin that took over his Captain’s face. He was too busy pouting. “Aww, man! Your room is nicer than ours.”

Rolling her eyes at Paris, B’Elanna asked Chakotay, “Where are you going to sleep?”

Chakotay and Kathryn shared a look. The latter half-shook her head softly, causing Chakotay to breathe a small sigh. He moved toward one of the couches. He pushed on the cushions, checking their bounce. “The couch doesn’t look too bad. I’ll sleep here.”

“Chakotay, no. Surely we can work something out.” B’Elanna’s eyes flicked to the Captain’s. The woman shrugged apologetically and moved into her room to unpack before she could cave. There were regulations to uphold.

The Commander smiled at his friend. “It’s ok, B’Elanna. I’m sure I’ll manage. We’re only pretending to be a couple when we’re outside. Now, go pack.” He shooed her away with a wave of his hands.

Unsure what to say, B’Elanna nodded. Inside, however, her worry for her friend intensified. Would his heart be able to stand a whole week of going back and forth between being in a ‘relationship’ with the woman he loved but couldn’t have and having to maintain command distance behind closed doors? She wasn’t sure, and that concerned her more than she wanted to admit. 

|||||

Thick slices of bread topped with cheese, fresh veggies, and shaved meat sat on plates in front of the away team as they flicked through the brochures and tablet pages. Chakotay took a bite of his cucumber-like sandwich as his eyes flicked over the events of the festival. Each day had a different theme, yet they followed the narrative of bonding and celebrating that bond. Anthropologically, this week would be fascinating.

He tried to push the awareness of Kathryn sitting beside him in a loose flowing dress from his mind. He itched to pull her close, but as she was discussing the festival events with Tom and B’Elanna, that wasn’t an option. He smiled ruefully to himself, not that it would be an option under any other circumstance. Forcing his eyes to take in the words, he read,

> _…of the Divine Goddess is a weeklong celebration held each solar cycle that people from around the globe look forward to with great anticipation. While it is a religious celebration and heavily features times of worship, divine teaching, sacrifice, prayer, and adoration, the festival is also a social, cultural, and economic mainstay of Zamphthar. It proves to be the highlight of the year in which businesses, farmers, and governmental departments work around the clock to prepare for._
> 
> __
> 
> _The festival week is divided into four main themes beyond that of individual worship. Days two, three, and four showcase the skills given to each partnership; these skills refer to the unique talents entrusted to each person and couple._
> 
> __
> 
> _Day five focuses on the sharing and sacrifice of the couple. This is not only an act of worship to the Divine Goddess, but it is also a reflection of the blessings she bestows on all Zamphtharians, as well as the sacrifice she made so that we might all live. Her blood was spread across our land, bringing life to our barren soil. Her tears fell from the sky, washing over all the crops, animals, and people, bringing fertility and flourishing. That she did not die but returned to the seat of eternal power from where she listens to our prayers, observes our actions, and cares for us, speaks to her everlasting benevolent nature._
> 
> __
> 
> _Day six is our expression of worship to the Goddess. However, the people’s dances are not just an expression of joy and thankfulness. The day of dance and worship also brings the communal role of worship and life to the forefront of Zamphtharian minds. Each dance is communal or paired. Just as in life and worship, one does not act alone._
> 
> __
> 
> _Days one, four, and seven remind us of the divine blessing needed for successful lives and relationships. Each chapter, each nook and cranny of our lives, is touched by the divine and is to be lived in response to the life she has gifted us. We each travel a full circle that begins with our parents and continues through us to our children and so forth. We are connected together._
> 
> __
> 
> _See the diagram on the next page for an artist’s interpretation of our lives’ circles connecting to the circles of our families and our society. Take special note of how each joins to create a larger ring. Our lives end where they begin just as the lives of our people end where they start. We began in the hands of the Goddess, streaked with blood and dirt, and when we end, we will find ourselves once more in her hands._
> 
> __
> 
> _Let’s take a closer look at the separate elements of the festival before we turn to the festival of Zoonzabar, a celebration of the lesser god that takes place on the third sun of the second moon._
> 
> __
> 
> _The first day of the Divine Goddess’ festival begins with…_

|||||

Kathryn ran her finger down the page of events. Beside her, Chakotay was in a world of his own as he read from the tablet in his hand. She turned to Tom and B’Elanna. “It’s going to be hard to find time to slip away and search for the High Emperor’s daughter with all these events we are expected to participate in. There are feasts, games for men and women, joint competitions, whatever this bread-breaking ceremony is, dancing, and a whole lot of ‘divine services’.”

Kathryn let out a huff of annoyance. “We need to come up with some sort of plan.”

Torres frowned. “If we have to attend each event, is there a way where we can split up? We could have two of us at the event or participating in the games while the other two are looking for our missing princess.”

“Oh, she’s a princess now, is she?”

“Shut up, Tom. Captain, do you think that would work?”

“It certainly has potential,” the other woman smiled.

“Our bubbly little friend said something about signing up for events,” Tom said, bringing the list closer to his face. “It must be these ones on days two, three, and four.” He hummed under his breath. “Chakotay and I go first, and then the ladies go second on day three. What is this last one? Oh. We do that one together.”

“It looks like we get to choose which individual event we do.” The Captain pressed her fist against her lips as her eyes darted down the long list of events that worshippers could sign up for, some required strength and agility, others, intelligence and ingenuity, and still others, creativity and artistic skill. With such a broad range of events for both men and woman, there was no doubt that every individual would find one they could excel at.

B’Elanna tapped on the tablet the Zamphtharian’s had given her, looking up details for the various events that caught her eye. She pointed at one, “This is pretty much just stick fighting,” she said. “I could do that. Or,” she flicked through a couple of entries on her device, “this one looks like you’re fixing a broken vehicle. That could be fun.”

Beside her, Tom let out a little shout of glee. “Captain! You have to let me sign up for this one.”

“What is it, Tom?”

“Chariot racing! Well, something like that anyway. There’re two animals – they look sort of like horses – that pull the carriage. I’ve always wanted to try something like that.”

Janeway laughed, rich and deep, “Why not?”

“What are you going to choose, Captain?”

Kathryn hummed, unsure.

“What about something with art?” Tom suggested. “You still do painting and sculpture, don’t you?”

“Oh, I don’t think I’m quite good enough for that, Mr Paris.”

Tom shrugged and looked at B’Elanna. She pointed at one of the listings. “What about this? It seems to be some sort of experiment. Maybe, a simulation of an experiment?”

The Captain shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. We don’t know the full extent of their scientific progress. We need to keep our influence here to a minimum. No need to disrupt their development more than necessary.”

B’Elanna nodded, running a hand through her hair. “I’d better do the stick fighting then,” she said. “The other option might mean I teach them a few engineering tricks they shouldn’t know yet.”

Janeway nodded, sympathy shining in her eyes. She could tell that the young woman would rather fix an old engine, even one she’s never seen before, than fight someone with sticks, no matter how good she might be at the latter.

The Captain looked over the options once more. Her eyes caught on one, a drochmer race. Taking the tablet from Torres, she keyed in an inquiry. She wished they’d been permitted to download the information onto their PADDs. It was much easier to search for answers with software she knew like the back of her hand than something that, while intuitive, was utterly alien to her. Eventually, she found the correct entry. It turned out that a drochmer was the horse-like creature Paris would be using in his ‘chariot’ race. The beasts were long and lanky with split toes, knobbly knees, and muscular flanks. The more she contemplated the creature, the more she was convinced that the animal was a peculiar cross between a horse and a camel.

Kathryn turned to the man beside her. She tried to get his attention, but he was completely unaware of what was going on around him. “Chakotay!” She said for the fourth time. She shot a glare at Paris who was trying – unsuccessfully – to stifle a chuckle.

Her First Officer turned to look at her, his brow still slightly furrowed and eyes far away, processing the words he had been reading. A fond smile pulled at her lips. She didn’t allow herself anything more, however; no matter how much she wanted to brush back his dishevelled hair. He did have a tendency to run his fingers through it when he was thinking. “Sorry, Captain. What do you need?”

“We were wondering which event you want to sign up for.” Kathryn pushed the list toward him.

Chakotay picked the paper up, running his eyes over the entries. He put the list down and pulled on his earlobe. Kathryn smiled at the familiar gesture.

“There’s two you might be interested in,” she said. She leaned closer toward him, closer than was strictly necessary, but he wasn’t complaining. She pointed to the first one. “Storytelling. And the other one I thought you might want to do.” She ran her finger down the list until she came to the one in question. “Here it is.” Kathryn tapped her finger on it. “It looks like it’s some sort of woodworking activity. The tablets contain details on each event – if you can find the right entry!"

The Commander looked at Janeway carefully. Of all the different options listed, the two she associated with him were storytelling and woodworking. He smiled at her, holding her gaze. Hoping to get a glimpse of how she saw him. His mind flew back to that cursed and blessed planet – New Earth.

Though the most memorable tale he’d told Kathryn while on New Earth was that of _The Angry Warrior_ he’d captivated her with many legends and stories close to the hearts of his people. They’d also shared stories from their own lives and imaginations. While she’d loved the ones he would spin as they walked along the river’s edge or gazed up at the night sky, the ones she told after that fateful storm still warmed a special place in his heart.

While on New Earth he’d also spent many hours working with wood, letting it speak to him, telling him what it was that captured within, and working with it to reveal what it had told him. It would be good to get wood, real wood, not the holographic kind, beneath his fingers again. Yes, that was what he would do. 

|||||

The team smiled at the young man collecting event entries as he put their names down for their chosen events. After the last one was submitted, they turned and made their way back through the evening crowds. The small group wandered through the streets at a relaxed pace. The mouth-watering smells of cooking dinners intertwined with shouts of children’s laughter and created the feeling of home.

Tom and B’Elanna stopped at a food stall on the corner of the hotel’s street. The smells emanating from the hot oil, exotic vegetables, and spices brought attention to the hunger starting to pull at their stomachs. Tom turned to Janeway. “Captain, did you bring the money with you?”

Kathryn smiled at him indulgently before pulling out a coin purse and tossing it in his direction.

Tom caught the small drawstring bag and turned to the Zamphtharian merchant. The old man gave him a gap-toothed smile. Ten minutes later, with food in hand, the four Starfleet Officers continued their journey. Not bothering to transfer the noodle dishes into bowls, Kathryn, Chakotay, Tom, and B’Elanna sat around the varnished hardwood table scooping vegetables and spiced noodles into their mouths. In between friendly jokes and banter Chakotay would pull a piece of meat from his container and drop it into Janeway’s. When he first did it, she’s smirked at him. By the end of the meal, she barely registered it as they laughed at another of Tom’s outlandish stories.

Leaving their senior officers to make contact with _Voyager_ and debrief Tuvok, Tom and B’Elanna made their way to their bedroom. To appease the Vulcan, the Captain had agreed to walk him through each day’s events and update him on their progress. Paris was glad that he wasn’t required to sit through those briefings each night.

Tom closed the door behind him and smiled at his partner as she sat on the large plush bed. “How much do you want to bet that by the end of the trip, those two will be sharing a bed?”

“Tom!” B’Elanna pretended to be outraged at his suggestion. She wasn’t able to hold her glare for long before a smile crept onto her face. “Give it four days,” she said, “Eventually Chakotay’s back will get too sore, and even the Captain won’t be able to say no.”

Tom shook his head. “No way. She’ll let him in before then and not for any reason as mundane as a sore back! I’m telling you, they love each other, they’re just too stubborn to admit it.”

“You better leave them be while we’re here,” B’Elanna said as she reached out and pulled him towards her. “They’ll figure it out eventually, and if they don’t, that’s their problem. They’re adults. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”

“It’s our problem too. We’re the ones who have to live with them.”

“Tom, do you want to keep talking about our senior officers, or do you want to kiss me?”

Tom laughed. Despite knowing she was trying to avoid the conversation they were skirting around, he gave in quickly. Cupping her face in his hands, he lowered his mouth to meet hers. 

|||||

Chakotay flipped onto his other side on the couch. Despite what he’d told B’Elanna the day before, the couch was not a place he endured gladly. He knew his duty, but if the two young lieutenants weren’t with them, he’d have tried to convince Kathryn to take turns on the couch, or if she was in a particularly good mood, share the bed. The blanket twisted around his leg and his lower back twinged in discomfort. He sat up with a huff. Four-thirty am, and it didn’t seem like he’d be going back to sleep any time soon.

Straightening the blankets and pulling them up around his waist, he lowered his head into his hands. He tried to rub away the tiredness that settled behind his eyes.

Behind him, he heard the door to their hotel apartment rattle and open. Chakotay stood, the blankets spilling onto the ground. A young man devoid of bonding marks stepped in carrying a cardboard box. Shock spread across his face at the sight of the older man.

The youth walked toward the kitchen, his eyes flicking over the dishevelled blankets that lay half on the floor and half on the couch. Placing the cardboard box on the bench, he faced Chakotay.

“Sir,” he said, his voice quivering slightly, “this is your food for the day. I’ll come each morning with a new box. Today isn’t much because of the opening feast, but it should be enough. If you need any more or something isn’t to your liking, just let Xylkie or Zol know, and I’ll make sure you have what you need.”

Chakotay nodded. He felt uncomfortable and awkward standing in the living room in his Starfleet issue flannel pyjama bottoms and grey tank being scrutinised by a kid who was probably still in school.

The delivery boy pushed his hands into the pockets of his dark pants, his heavy cloak billowing out behind him as he walked toward the door. He stopped and looked at Chakotay, his foot hovering over the threshold. A frown pulled at the youth’s pointed brows and emphasized the long line of his nose.

“And, Sir, I’d advise you to make up with your Mrs, arguments with your bonded during Holy Week aren’t looked upon too kindly. It’s a sin and the Goddess might not bless you for the coming year if you don’t apologise and seek the Goddess’ forgiveness. She might even punish other people too.” The boy frowned, “This is serious, Sir.”

“Thank you for the warning –”

“Xip, Sir.”

“Xip. Thank you. I will talk to the Ca- Kathryn. I’ll talk to Kathryn. Don’t worry; we’ll sort it out. We wouldn’t want to do anything to upset the Goddess.”

“Ok. I’ll see you tomorrow, Sir.”

“Chakotay.”

“Chakotay,” the boy repeated with a smile before slipping out of the room.

The Commander crossed the room, rubbing his lower back. A smirk pulled at the corners of his lip as he began to unload the bread, cheese, and fruit from the box. Xip seemed like a good kid. He’d have to make sure he’d cleared the blankets away before the boy arrived tomorrow - no need to worry him needlessly. 

|||||

Kathryn was washing the berry juice off the last bowl when there was a knock at the door. She glanced over to see Tom letting Xylkie into the apartment. Her partner was nowhere in sight. It appeared that her bubbly personality had not abated. Giving the bowl to B’Elanna to dry, she made her way to where the young woman talked with Chakotay and Tom. The men had been enjoying the rewards of preparing breakfast and passing off the dishes to the women when Xylkie had come to fetch them for the first service of the festival.

As they made their way out of the hotel and toward the towering temple that stood at the centre of the city, their guide explained how each day would begin and end with a worship service conducted by the High Priest. The festival's first and last services were the high points of the week as they centred around the Eternal Flame that burned in the Temple’s inner sanctuary. She described how no one but the leading priest or priestess of each temple could enter the inner sanctuary to tend the flame. During Holy Week the flame would be brought out of the temple and used to start the bonfire that would be the centrepiece of worship for the week.

“It’s the only time of year where we get to see the Eternal Flame!” Xylkie exclaimed excitedly. “The High Priest will carry the flame out and bring it to the fire, but at the end of the festival, one couple will be chosen to bring it back to the Temple. It’s a great honour! Of course, the High Priest is the one who puts the flame back in the inner sanctuary but to carry it? I do hope that one day that will be me and Zol.” She sighed wistfully.

They joined the crowd that lined the street. Over the loudspeakers, the voice of the officiant rang out, intoning the call to worship. Not knowing the proper responses, the away team watched in fascination as the crowds spoke the liturgy in unison, their combined voices rolling through the streets, paving the way for the High Priest to walk. When he emerged from the Temple in a flowing white gown with heavy chains draped across his chest, the crowd took a collective breath. The holy man raised the torch above his head so that all could see the bright flames bouncing toward the heavens. As he walked slowly down the street, the people turned toward him, their bodies facing the flame and the priest who held it high.

Once the priest had passed them, Kathryn felt the surge of the crowd push at her back. Not wanting to lose the others, she reached out and grabbed Chakotay’s hand. He squeezed it lightly and pulled her closer to his side. Together, they let the crowd press them forward toward the large park that spanned four city blocks. As they stepped onto the green grass, the people began to chant.

A bonfire, more than twelve feet tall and fifteen feet wide, stood waiting to be lit. The crowd surged forward and spread out around the park but never getting too close to the pile of wood and branches. Climbing onto a large platform, the priest raised the flame high once more. The crowd stood still, holding its breath. Kathryn looked about her, taking in the religious excitement that shone in the Zamphtharian’s eyes. She shuffled a little closer to Chakotay. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She would say it was part of the act, of trying to convince those around her that she and her First Officer were in a relationship, but she’d know she was lying. There was something comforting and right about being pressed to his side and sheltered by his arm. She fought to focus on the man standing on the platform and not the man whose heartbeat she could feel through the thin fabric of their clothes.

The crowd cheered as the wood caught light and fire shot into the air. Kathryn could already feel the heat from the flames, even as far back as she was. The wood shifted and crackled as the fire tore through the pile. She had never been happier to see dozens of robed priests and priestesses. They scurried around the bonfire, keeping the flames in check and tending to them. Xylkie elbowed her and directed her attention back to the platform the priest was standing on. While she was looking away, it had been moved to a safe distance.

The High Priest began to speak, and the crowd fell silent once more. He raised his arms, the loose sleeves of his robes falling around his elbows. He thanked the Goddess for her benevolent love and provision during the last year and implored her to continue to look upon them kindly. As he spoke men and woman, also in clerical garb, emerged from the trees leading animals on ropes. The beasts were of varying sizes, species, and colours. Slowly, they made their way toward the platform.

Lining up along the ramp and down the path, the animals and their attendants waited one by one. After a moment Kathryn realised that each animal was different. She checked again, yes; no two animals were of the same species. Though she knew nothing of the animals of Zamphthar, even she could tell that these creatures were impeccably cared for. Her eyes followed the line of animals and carers. She then noticed that the clergy at the end of the line were holding baskets of produce. Though she couldn’t tell from her position in the crowd, she was confident that if she could, she’d find each basket filled with fruits, vegetables, and grains of different types, no two the same.

Janeway gasped when the priest raised a knife in the air, the blade shining in the morning light, and swooped it through the air, killing the first animal in line. The single stroke across its exposed neck killed it instantly. The man who had been holding its head out of the way bowed and stepped back, releasing the offering. The animal’s corpse slumped where it had been standing, its blood flowing into a specially designed valley in the platform.

In front of Kathryn, B’Elanna stood rigid. Her face upturned, watching the display unflinchingly as the high priest spoke words of blessing and offering over each animal before rendering it lifeless. His assistants flowed around him, removing each carcass once the blood had drained into the waiting receptacles. Beside B’Elanna, Tom winced with each slice of the blade. Unable to take much more, he pushed through the crowd. On reaching its edge, Paris emptied the contents of his stomach. He tried to block out the sound of the priest’s rhythmic words and the crowd's collective responses.

At first, Kathryn was frozen in horror. She’d seen death, a lot of it, including the death of animals for food. But there was something different about the sheer number of creatures and the variety of species that stood trustingly next to their handlers’ awaiting their deaths. At last, she managed to tear her eyes away from the sacrifices. She watched as the attending priests and priestesses took the bodies to the waiting butchers who skinned, gutted, and prepared the animals for cooking. More men and women were waiting beside the bonfire to cook the meat that would be enjoyed by the gathered worshipers. Other attendants collected skins and entrails. The skins would be delivered to tanneries with the best leather being gifted to the temple, while the organs were removed, cleaned, and used.

Nothing was wasted; even the blood collected would be combined with blood gathered from other ceremonies around the planet. A quarter of the blood would be divided among the temples to be gifted to the Goddess. Another quarter would be dried and stored in temples to be used for ceremonies throughout the year. The remaining half would find its way to farms around the globe and be poured out on the earth as both sacrifice and dedication of the land to the Divine Goddess.

In a flash, Kathryn remembered that Chakotay was a vegetarian. She turned to look at him. She tugged on his hand, silently asking if he was ok. The skin around his mouth was white, and his eyes were glazed over. The pressure of her hand in his seemed to awaken something within him. The Commander pulled his hand out of Kathryn’s. Slowly, methodically, he wove his way through the chanting crowd. The Captain struggled to follow. Once he had emerged from the closely packed bodies, he took a few final steps forward before dropping to his knees.

On the ground, Chakotay bowed his head and buried his fingers in the rich green grass. Kathryn kneeled beside him, her hand resting on his curved back. She could feel the vibrations as he spoke quietly. She didn’t know what he was saying, it was too loud, and she suspected that they were private words. A ritual not meant to be overheard. Emerging alongside her was Xylkie. Kathryn waved her away, trying to let the young woman know that everything was ok and that they wouldn’t proceed any further. 

|||||

Janeway huffed. That was the sixth person she’d asked in the last hour who’d seen nothing, knew nothing, and could tell her nothing about her missing person. Her hands fisted at her sides as she pushed through the celebrating crowd. All around her were men, woman, and children eating, drinking, chatting, and playing a range of outdoor games. She was surprised they were able to relax and have fun after the stomach-churning spectacle that morning. Spotting Chakotay and B’Elanna by one of the stalls positioned at the edge of the field, she moved towards them.

“Anything?” She asked once she was close enough to hear them over the shouts of happy children.

Chakotay shook his head. Beside him, Torres answered, “No, you?”

“Nothing,” Kathryn sighed. “But it seems a well-established rule that neither of those species is allowed anywhere near this planet and if they were here, then someone would have heard of it.”

“Or they’re just really good at hiding,” Tom said as he walked up to the group.

“Tell me you found something!” B’Elanna implored.

Paris shook his head. He stepped up to her and slung an arm around her shoulders. “No such luck.”

B’Elanna groaned, dropping her head to her partner’s shoulder.

“Xylkie, good to see you. Where’d your partner get off too?” Chakotay asked. They had finally met the elusive young man after the sacrifices, but it seemed that he had disappeared once more. The others turned to see where he was looking.

“Off wandering.” The young woman approached with a smile. She clapped her hands and asked, “How are you all getting along? Better, I hope? I’m so sorry for not warning you! I thought you knew.”

Kathryn waved her off, “It’s ok, Xylkie, it just caught us by surprise, that’s all.”

“Speak for yourself,” Tom muttered under his breath before cutting himself off with a pained grunt. Torres had elbowed him in the stomach. He smiled sheepishly.

B’Elanna frowned in thought. “Xylkie,” she questioned, “Have you seen anything unusual lately? I don’t mean anything to do with the festival. More like, people acting strangely or visitors you haven’t met before suddenly arriving. Or aliens who aren’t usually visitors to this planet staying somewhere in the city?”

The Zamphtharian laughed. Wiping tears from her eyes, she said, “Like you, you mean?”

B’Elanna slumped. She shook her head. “No, not us. But anyone else?”

Xylkie thought for a moment. B’Elanna appreciated the consideration the young woman was giving to the question. Most people she had talked to that day had brushed her off or hadn’t given it a second thought. Eventually, their guide shook her head. “No. Sorry. Nothing comes to mind. Why?”

“What about an Aningulfi? Have you seen any of them around?” Chakotay asked carefully.

The young woman’s face went hard. “No. They are forbidden from entering our space. There hasn’t been one of them near our planet, let alone in the Capital for almost two decades. Certainly not as long as I’ve been alive.” She looked at them all in turn, her bubbly demeanour vanished. In its place was an angry, sharp edge, and behind it, a glimmer of fear. “You’d do well to forget that name. Even talking about them can get you in a lot of trouble.”

Xylkie closed her eyes and took a steadying breath. When she opened them again, she was once again light-hearted and jubilant. “There’s still an hour till the evening service. And don’t worry, no more sacrifices till the last day of the festival! Get something to eat, play a game. Let’s not think about unpleasant things, enjoy yourselves! I’ll see you for the service.” She waved and moved back through the crowd, disappearing behind a few tall men playing some sort of ball game. 

|||||

The away team walked back towards their hotel to the sounds of fireworks exploding high in the air behind them. After the evening service, a brief ceremony consisting of a few chanted songs, a short reading, and a handful of prayers, they'd said good night to Xylkie and Zol with promises to meet them for the morning service before the men’s events the next day. Slightly discouraged, they walked silently through the empty streets. Almost everyone was still in the park revelling in the final fleeting moments of the first day of Holy Week. Ahead of them, B’Elanna and Tom held hands while Chakotay and Kathryn brought up the rear. They walked close to one another as was their habit, but they didn’t touch.

Opening the door, Tom turned his head to look at his commanding officers. “Do you mind if we head straight to bed?” He asked, stifling a yawn.

The Captain reassured him that she and Chakotay were perfectly capable of debriefing Tuvok and that the younger couple should get some rest. Moving to the kitchen, her First Officer prepared a couple of hot drinks. If they were to make it through a conversation with their Chief of Security after the day they had, they were going to need it.

The time finally came when all their tasks were complete. Kathryn contemplated the large bed in the other room. Trying to disregard the idea that had emerged unbidden in her mind, Janeway turned to her friend. She hadn’t had the time or privacy to ask him how he was going after the sacrifices that morning. “Chakotay?”

“Hmm?” He looked up from where he was spreading blankets out over one of the couches. She winced, as much as she wanted to invite him to share the bed with her, she was afraid of how he would interpret the invitation. However, what worried her more was the question of whether or not she could trust herself to maintain the appropriate distance. And then there was Tom and B’Elanna. She shook herself mentally. No, it was better this way.

“Are you ok?”

“What do you mean, Kathryn?”

“After this morning, when you broke the circle around the sacrifices. You were saying something, but I couldn’t hear you over the noise.”

Chakotay stood up straight, contemplating the woman in front of him. After what felt like an eternity, he nodded. “I’m ok. I didn’t mean to cause trouble. I just needed somewhere to kneel.”

Kathryn frowned, that didn’t explain anything. She knew better than to push him, however. Janeway waited a moment longer, but when it became apparent that he wasn’t going to say anything else, she nodded, her lips pursed. She stepped toward him and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, hoping that he would know that if he needed to talk about it, he could do so with her. She patted him, once, twice. Withdrawing her hand, she nodded again.

“Good night, Chakotay.” The Captain disappeared into her room.

“Good night, Kathryn,” he whispered to a closed door.


	4. Chapter Three: The Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days two and three of the Zamphtharian's festival see all four members of the away team competing in individual events. Struggling to find time to search for their missing person, Janeway wonders if they will succeed in their mission. And if they do, at what cost?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've updated the formatting for the chapters previously posted and will continue with that going forward. Hopefully, it'll make the reading experience all that more enjoyable!

Four-fifteen AM. The PADD on the floor beside Chakotay beeped. Blearily the former Maquis Captain reached off the couch he was wedged into and picked up the small device, effectively silencing it. Stumbling, he stood up and made his way to the kitchen. He splashed some cold water onto his face in an attempt to wake himself up and put some water on to boil. Returning to the torture device that masqueraded as an expensive couch, Chakotay began to clear the blankets draped across it. He couldn’t have the kid coming in seeing that he’d once again slept on the couch and not with Kathryn. 

Blankets stowed, the middle-aged man massaged his back the best he could and tried to stretch. He’d rather go toe to toe with three Klingons in the ring than spend another night trying and failing to sleep on that damned couch.

The door pushed open as Chakotay lifted his freshly made tea to his lips.

Xip’s eyes lit up when he saw the older man before dropping his brows. “What are you doing up, Sir? I mean, Chakotay!” The youth fumbled.

Chakotay chuckled. “I couldn’t sleep,” he said. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t quite the truth either.

“I’m sorry to hear that, S-, Chakotay,” Xip smiled sheepishly, ducking his head as he placed the cardboard box on the bench.

The boy turned to leave when the Commander stopped him. “Do you want some tea, Xip? It’s fresh.”

The youth looked uncertain. It was a moment before he shook his head sadly. “I can’t,” he explained, “I’ve got more deliveries to make before the morning service.”

“I understand,” Chakotay said before continuing, “I’ve got something I’d like you to think about, though.”

“Oh? What is it, Sir?”

Chakotay bit back a smile. The boy blushed. 

“Have you seen or heard anything unusual leading up to the festival?” The Starfleet Officer asked.

Xip tugged on his shirt and tilted his head, sending a black lock of hair into his narrow eyes. “What sort of thing?”

“Visitors, people acting weird, or hiding away from everyone. Maybe you’ve heard of someone yelling for help in an empty part of the city?”

Xip thought for a moment longer before shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Chakotay, Sir. I haven’t noticed anything different. Well, except for everyone being really busy getting ready for the festival and that makes everyone act a little odd.”

Chakotay nodded, understanding.

“But I’ll ask around for you; if you’d like.”

“I’d appreciate that.”

Kathryn’s door creaked open as the words left the Commander’s mouth. Xip and Chakotay turned to see a sleepy Captain wrapped in a robe emerge from her room. Hedging his bets, Chakotay raised his arm in invitation hoping against hope that she would understand the gesture and help him convince Xip that all was well with them. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, Kathryn shuffled toward him and tucked herself into his side. Surprised but happy, the Commander pressed his tea into her hands. Clasping the beverage, she rose the cup to her nose and took a sniff before sipping the hot liquid carefully.

Chakotay gestured with his free hand to the boy. “Kathryn, Xip. Xip, Kathryn.”

“It’s good to meet you, Ma’am.” Xip bowed and hurried out of the room.

Chakotay spoke softly to the woman pressed against his side, “Kathryn?”

Janeway hummed and nuzzled her head into his chest. Looking down at her, Chakotay’s heart broke. They both knew that what they had together was good, but it was also precarious. They lived, waiting for the future, for something they both hoped for but were never guaranteed. Sometimes they would push against that future, refusing to acknowledge it, refusing to believe it could ever happen. In their defiance, or perhaps fear, they let their love, because it was love, no matter how it manifested itself, and their friendship, suffer. Other times, they stepped up to that future and tried to take it, tried to see what it would be like, to steal it before it was theirs to have. This felt like one of those times. He knew he had to push her away before they stepped too far into the future without regard for the present.

Chakotay sighed, “Kathryn, go back to bed.”

The woman nodded and shuffled back to bed with his cup still in her hands. When he tried to question her about it over breakfast, she had no recollection of the early morning meeting.

|||||

The away team huddled together out of the way of the dispersing crowd. The morning service had ended, only the priests and priestesses tending the Eternal Flames remained. Xylkie had left with Zol. She was excited to watch her partner compete in his event. The four Starfleet Officers were left to plan their next move.

“Chakotay’s event is meant to take all day, so we,” Kathryn looked at B’Elanna and Tom, “need to use our time wisely. When do you compete Tom?”

“This afternoon, Captain. B’Elanna and I can take a tricorder and scope out one of the subdivisions of the city before lunch.”

“Good idea. I’ll mingle with the others who are watching the woodcarving and see if I can get anything out of them. We’ll meet up for lunch. After we eat, B’Elanna and I will team up and question the spectators at the racetrack. If we’re lucky, we’ll find out something today.”

The others nodded and the younger couple left to begin their exploration. Chakotay held out his hand for Kathryn to take as they started toward the large marked off area where Chakotay would spending his day. Kathryn looked at the outstretched hand. Her eyes flicked up to his, a slight frown pulling at her features.

“There’s no one around, Commander. We don’t need to pretend.”

Chakotay flinched at the use of his title but held his ground. “I’m not pretending, Kathryn. As hard as it may be for you to believe, I actually _want_ to hold your hand.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes and took his hand in hers. They walked in silence until they got to the group of men waiting to compete in Chakotay’s chosen event. Releasing her First Officer’s hand, Kathryn patted his chest, silently wishing him luck. He nodded with a soft smile and held her gaze before turning to the event coordinator.

Kathryn watched from the sidelines as ten men stood in front of a large selection of logs. The priest officiating blessed them and their work in the name of the Divine Goddess and blew a trumpet-like instrument starting the event.

Kathryn watched for a moment while Chakotay and the other men scoped out their choices among the wood available. Choosing one, the Commander squatted at the end of the log and lifted it, moving his hands along the bark until the log was vertical. He stood there for a second, the top of the log pointing at the sky, high above his head. Once the way was clear, he gave it a push causing it to land flat on the grass.

The Captain marvelled as her First Officer repeated the move once more. Once he was far enough away from the other competitors, Chakotay rolled up his sleeves, revealing strong forearms and wiped the sweat from his forehead. He walked up and down the length of the log, at one point rolling it over in the grass, inspecting it. Squatting beside the trunk at a promising section, he ran a hand over the wood.

Confident that Chakotay had his task well in hand, Kathryn began to mill about the crowd watching the event. While most of the spectators were women, a few men and children were watching as well. Kathryn noticed a good ratio of marked to unmarked Zamptharian’s observing the day’s events. Spotting a woman who appeared to be at the ringside alone, Kathryn made her way toward her.

“Hello,” _Voyager_ ’s Commanding Officer said as she sidled up to the young woman.

The Zamptharian gasped, whipping around with her hand over her heart.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“No, it’s ok. I was just mesmerized by that man over there. He chops the wood so beautifully, don’t you think?”

Noting that the young lady didn’t have bonding marks adorning her cheeks, Kathryn wondered who she was talking about. Not a partner, that much was obvious.

“Oh! He must be your bonded?” The girl cried excitedly, her eyes darting back and forth between the Captain and her First Officer.

Kathryn’s eyes flicked to where Chakotay was now chopping the log. Her mouth went dry, followed by a rush of saliva. He had removed his shirt, his tanned shoulders and torso on display for all to see as his muscles stretched and tensed with each swing of the axe. Her mind briefly touched on the idea that it was probably dangerous chopping wood without something protecting his skin. As soon as the thought entered her mind, however, it disappeared. She was left speechless as she drank his form in.

“Is he your bonded?” The girl repeated.

Shaken out of her trance, Kathryn felt a flush of guilt for staring at Chakotay the way she was. He wasn’t hers to have, not in that way, not with _Voyager_ still crossing the Delta Quadrant. They had parameters for a reason. Most of the time, they were mature enough and responsible enough to adhere to those parameters, but she knew that the image of Chakotay wielding that axe would appear in her dreams for many nights to come.

“Yes. Yes. Chakotay is my bonded.” Kathryn rasped, just managing to remember her role in the subterfuge.

“You’re so lucky. He’s so handsome. Not pale and skinny like our men.”

“I’m sure there are plenty of handsome men among your people,” Kathryn said with a smile, her eyes firmly planted on the sighing young woman leaning on the fence. Kathryn knew if she looked over at Chakotay, she’d be too distracted to do what she was there for.

“So,” Janeway began, “Have you seen or heard anything out of the ordinary lately?”

Standing up, the young woman tensed. “What do you mean?” She asked.

Afraid she was going to lose the girl’s attention, Kathryn tried another track. “My husband,” the word stuck in her throat, “and I are visitors to Zamphthar – as you probably guessed – and we are so excited by everything that’s happening. It really is fascinating!” Janeway hoped the girl wouldn’t notice how thick she was laying it on. “But because we haven’t visited during the divine festival before we don’t know what’s normal and what’s not.”

The Zamphtharian hummed for a second, thinking. “Everything seems normal to me. People rushing about getting ready for Holy Week. Eating lots, drinking lots. Watching the events, going to services. It’s all normal stuff.”

“So you haven’t seen anything or anyone unusual?”

The girl snorted and raised one of her pointed eyebrows.

Realization hit. “Right,” Kathryn forced a laugh. “We do look pretty unusual, don’t we?”

The young woman murmured her agreement as she turned back to watching Chakotay. He had just finished sectioning off the wood he needed and was moving it to a raised platform to begin the task of revealing the design that was hidden within the wood.

Realising that she wasn’t going to get anything more from her new friend, Kathryn said goodbye. The girl waved back, her eyes never straying from Chakotay’s form.

|||||

Janeway groaned as she pushed the door open to their suite. Every conversation she had that morning ended the same way – incredulous looks, shaking heads, a chuckle. She finally admitted defeat. They were the strange ones here. They were the exception to the rule, the odd ones out. It would be almost impossible for someone to think of anything strange when the unknown was staring them in the face. Their plan wasn’t working. Talking to the locals didn’t seem to be an option anymore. Hopefully, Tom and B’Elanna had something more to go on.

|||||

“Nothing! Absolutely nothing!”

Kathryn looked up from the ‘coffee’ she was drinking to see the other members of her away team stomp into the room.

“Oh! Hello, Captain.” B’Elanna stopped and shrugged apologetically. “I’m sorry, but we came up with nothing. They must be in another section of the city.”

Kathryn’s shoulders slumped.

“Did you find anything, Captain?” Tom asked, moving through the kitchen to make himself a sandwich.

She shook her head. “No. And I don’t think questioning people is the right way to go about this.”

Tom slathered a sweet paste on his bread and brought the slice up to his mouth. Chewing happily for a few moments, he considered the problem. Eventually, he shrugged. “We’ll just have to keep scoping out the city with our tricorders then. Surely we’ll find something.”

“I hope so,” B’Elanna said, squeezing past him to make a sandwich of her own.

Popping another sandwich in his mouth, Tom reached out and grabbed a piece of fruit from the bowl on the marble worktop. Retrieving the bread from his mouth, he smiled. “Wish me luck, ladies!” The man’s eyes sparkled mischievously. “I’m off to win at the races.”

Torres shook her head fondly and leaned over to peck his cheek.

Giving the two women a salute, Tom exited the room, leaving them to prepare their lunch. Sandwiches and fruit in hand, they made their way to where the woodcarvers were working under the open sky. A handful of white fluffy clouds sailed overhead. A warm breeze ruffled Kathryn’s dress. She wondered, not for the first time, how the Zamptharians wore heavy robes and cloaks in such a temperate climate.

Janeway spotted Chakotay quickly. She wasn’t sure if she was glad or sad that he had once more donned his shirt and vest.

Chakotay was sitting on a discarded stump as he lazily spun the wooden object in his hands. Most of its features were still hidden, but an image was starting to emerge. He smiled. It was good to have real wood in his hands again. He hadn’t realised just how much he’d missed it over the years. The holodeck couldn’t come close to replicating the real thing.

The Commander reached down to grab his water bottle only to realise that it was empty. He frowned. He’d have to get an escort out of the ring to fill it up. He hated the hassle but not having fluids would be worse. Chakotay stood up, his eyes flicking across his competitors. They were bent over at their respective stations working diligently with the wood in their hands. Before he could spot an official, he saw Kathryn and B’Elanna waving at him from the sidelines.

Kathryn swallowed a chuckle as Chakotay joined them at the fence line. He was covered in wood chips and sawdust. Noticing her gaze, Chakotay smiled sheepishly and began to brush the small fragments from his clothes.

“We bought you food and something to drink, Chakotay,” B’Elanna said, handing over the items.

“Thank you.” Twisting the top off the iced tea, he tilted his head back, enjoying the sensation of the liquid cooling him from the inside out.

“How’s it going?” Kathryn asked.

“Good.”

B’Elanna snorted. Kathryn and Chakotay turned to look at her. She shrugged. “I’ll see you later, big guy.”

As the Engineer walked away, an official in priestly garb made her way toward the two humans. “Spectators are not to speak to contestants,” she reprimanded.

“Sorry, I wasn’t aware. She’s my bonded,” Chakotay tried to explain.

The Zamphtharian looked at them sceptically.

“I should let you get back to it,” Kathryn said, watching the priestess out of the corner of her eye. Taking a steadying breath, she added, “Sweetheart.”

Chakotay’s brows rose at her words. When she leant in to place a small kiss on his cheek before walking away, they furrowed in astonishment. The priestess folded her arms, looking at him questioningly.

“She’s usually a very private person,” he stammered, trying to explain his surprised reaction. He breathed a sigh of relief when the official left him. Making his own way back, Chakotay’s mind replayed the tender kiss Kathryn had just given him.

|||||

Standing beside the Captain, B’Elanna was unaware of anything around her. Her attention was resolutely fixed on the race. Tom was currently holding fourth place. She bounced on her toes and chewed the inside of her cheek as she watched the pair of drochmers pulling Tom’s cart speed around the corner. One lap to go. As the competitors skidded around the last turn and made their way onto the final stretch, Torres was screaming. Her voice was lost in the noise of the exuberant crowd, but she imagined he could hear her.

The drochmers and their passengers thundered past B’Elanna and Kathryn. Their clothes whipped around them with the force of their tailwind. B’Elanna grabbed Janeway’s arm as they neared the finish line. Tom was edging ahead of the Zamphtharian in third. They tore across the line. He’d done it; third place was his. B’Elanna cheered.

Kathryn watched in interest as each of the competitors were given a bouquet. The men who’d come in the top three were given wreaths with first place receiving the largest one of all. The winner gestured for his bonded to join him on the track. A tall thin man approached the podium shyly. Plucking a flower from the wreath, the winning Zamphtharian presented it to his lover with a soft kiss. Together the two men followed the three officiating priests in the direction of the Temple. The rest of the competitors dispersed into the crowd.

Joining the women, Tom brought with him an air of joy and excitement. “That was amazing!” He groaned with pleasure. “I’d love to do it again.”

B’Elanna laughed and pulled him in for a loud, smacking kiss. “You were great, Tom!”

Holding his wreath in one hand and B’Elanna’s hand in the other, Tom walked with them to where Chakotay’s event was coming to a close. The entrants were adding the final touches to their designs, smoothing out the wood, and applying polish. Pushing through the crowd who’d come to watch the judging, Kathryn and her two lieutenants found a place up against the fence. They watched as the priest in charge of the event hit a large cymbal with a small mallet. At the resounding gong, the contestants stood and carried their works over to the judging table.

Kathryn held her breath as she watched the judge scrutinise the various pieces. Choosing his three favourites, he asked the artists to place their carvings side by side on the table before him. Kathryn’s fingernails dug into her palms when she realised that Chakotay’s design was one of the ones chosen for closer inspection.

To Chakotay’s left was a small, hunched over man whose robes appeared to weigh him down. He tenderly brushed his thumb over the intricate abstract design he had carved. It twisted and curved in a way that defied gravity. The Commander was suitably impressed. He glanced to his right. In front of one of the oldest Zamphtharians Chakotay had encountered sat a carving of a gazelle-like creature. The artist had captured it mid-stride showing off the animal’s fluid gait.

Chakotay looked down at his carving as he placed it between the others. His felt out of place. Unsure of why the judge had chosen to consider his work, the former Maquis stood at attention while he waited for the final decision.

After much deliberation, the priest picked up the carving of the running animal. He raised it high above his head to the cheers of the crowd. Nodding to Chakotay and the man who’d carved the other design not chosen, the judge gestured for them to step back. Chakotay looked around and noticed that the seven other competitors had joined the spectators waiting at the sidelines. Picking up his carving, he walked in the direction of the crowd.

Greeting him with a smile, Kathryn waved Chakotay over. His piece tucked under his arm, the Commander joined them. Before they could say anything to each other, Xylkie ran over to them, dragging her gangly young man by the hand. “Captain! Commander!” She called.

They turned to look at her, matching grins appearing on their faces.

“Are you ready for the evening service?” She asked. When the others nodded, she turned to her companion, “Lead the way Zol! We want to have a good spot for when the fireworks start.”

Walking a short distance behind the other members of their party, Kathryn poked Chakotay. He looked down at her and smiled when he saw the twinkle in her eye. He raised a brow in silent question.

“Well, come on! Let me see it!”

“See what?” He teased.

“Chakotay!”

Chuckling to himself, the Commander handed over his wooden carving. Kathryn let out a soft gasp. It was beautiful. She traced the delicate lines of the boat with her fingers before running them up the mast. Turning the sailboat in her hands, she marvelled at the little details he had included. At the wheel stood a woman wearing a short-sleeved dress whose hair flowed behind her adding to the impression that a soft wind powered the boat.

“…they must grow the trees specifically for carving. I’ve never handled wood that responded so well to the knife. Usually, something like this would take me days, if not weeks. Of course, there were things I wanted to add and clean up, but with limited time…” Chakotay shrugged.

Kathryn looked up at him, awe shining in her eyes. “It’s perfect,” she whispered.

He looked at her fondly. Managing to speak around the lump growing in his throat, he said softly, “It’s a model of what I was going to build us.”

Kathryn turned away, blinking back tears. She cradled the ship to her chest carefully. When she did so, her finger brushed against a groove laid into the smooth hull. Twisting the boat in her hands, she inspected the discrepancy.

“Oh,” she breathed.

Chakotay looked at her once more. Spotting what she was studying, he gently took the boat out of her hands with a smile. Running his finger over the pattern carved into the side of the ship just below the railing, he said, “I didn’t know what to call her.”

Leaning into him to make out the small monkey carved into the wood, Kathryn grinned. “I like it.”

|||||

Chakotay kicked the blankets off himself. He had been looking forward to getting back to the hotel, quickly debriefing Tuvok, and going to sleep. It had been a long day, and despite his best efforts to get them to leave the park as soon as the High Priest had intoned the final benediction, the others had voted to watch the first of the evening fireworks. Like the previous nights, they had lit up the sky in an explosion of colour.

Despite how much his body cried out for sleep, Morpheus continued to elude him. He huffed. If only he could get comfortable, then maybe he’d manage to nod off. Another ten minutes of tossing and turning brought no results. Five more, however, saw him slipping into the pleasant dark void of unconsciousness. He was just about to go entirely under when a sound pulled him back into the land of the living. He groaned.

Sitting up, Chakotay frowned. He listened carefully but didn’t hear anything. He decided it must have been his imagination. When he lay down, however, a soft cry cut through the night. Standing, Chakotay debated whether or not to investigate. When the noise repeated, he determined to follow it. He made his way carefully toward Kathryn’s door. Resting his ear on the polished wood, he listened. Seconds later, he heard the cry again. This time it was accompanied by the rustle of sheets and creak of bedposts.

Taking a deep breath, Chakotay slowly pushed the door open and stepped in. His eyes flew through the dark to where Kathryn was sleeping in a large four-poster bed. His breath caught in his throat. In an instant, he was transported back to New Earth.

_He knew she had nightmares. One morning when she’d looked particularly exhausted, she’d admitted as much. But the first time she’d had night terrors while on the planet chilled him to the core. He’d been woken by soft whimpers that soon escalated to shouts, screams, and wordless yells. Their small make-shift home had been filled the stomach-turning sounds._

_He rushed to her side of the partition. Her hair clung to her wet forehead and face. He couldn’t tell what was sweat and what were tears. The blankets were twisted tightly around her flailing limbs. He’d stood there for a moment watching in horror, unsure of what to do. Did one wake up the person caught in the hellish landscape of their unconscious or let them come out of it on their own? He was no stranger to nightmares, the war had seen to that, but this seemed like a whole other beast._

_Making a decision, he stepped forward. He whispered her name, “Kathryn.” Dodging her swinging limbs, he crouched beside her bed, speaking endearments and encouragement to the woman fighting a battle within herself. When her eyes flew open, they were filled with panic. She scrambled away from him, her breathing harsh and ragged._

_Shame and horror filled her face as she registered his presence. She shook her head, hoping that him seeing her in such a state was just another part of her nightmare. When he didn’t disappear but continued to look at her with love and sorrow, she tore out of the house. He stood there wanting to follow but afraid she’d only flee further. When she returned to their small spot on the planet, she refused to talk about it. The second time it happened, it was much the same. The third time saw her leave her bed, refusing to meet his eye but to his relief, she remained in the shelter. The last time it happened, a week after the storm, she let him hold her while she wept. She didn’t tell him what was plaguing her, but knowing that he could be there to comfort her and that she was letting him was a great solace. When they returned to the ship, he resolved to have her quarters soundproofed. He never wanted her to feel ashamed of something she couldn’t control, and he knew that she would be mortified if any member of the crew knew about her night terrors. At first, he was surprised when he discovered that the deed had already been done, a benefit of being Captain, no doubt. He realised it made sense on further reflection. He had wondered how he’d never heard her wails while on_ Voyager.

Pulling himself out of the past, Chakotay moved to Kathryn’s bedside. Brushing the side of her face, he called her out of her dream. He couldn’t let her reach the climax of whatever terrors were besieging her, not without Tom and B’Elanna hearing her cries.

Kathryn’s eyes flew open, and she reached for his arm. Holding it tight, she whispered, “No.”

“I’m sorry, Kathryn,” he said.

She sat up in bed and buried her face in her hands. Sitting beside her, Chakotay held his hands in his lap. This dance was an old one. One they’d practised often throughout the years. When to reach out and when to wait. He waited.

“Chakotay?”

He lay his hand on her duvet covered knee. “Yes?”

“Please, don’t take this the wrong way, but will you stay with me tonight?” She took a deep breath and continued in a rush. “If Tom or B’Elanna hear me… It doesn’t have to mean anything; I just need you to wake me up if it starts to happen again.” Kathryn let out a soft groan and covered her face with her hands again, muffling her next words. “I can’t believe this is happening now. Why now?”

Determined to comfort her, Chakotay shuffled closer and pulled her into his arms. At first, she stiffened, but after a moment, she melted into his embrace. Unfurling her legs, she pressed herself closer to him, taking the strength that she needed. Though ungraceful, they moved together, pulling the blankets down and then back over their bodies.

Continuing to hold her, they lay down. “I’ll stay,” he whispered into her hair, “for as long as you need. Tonight. Tomorrow. For the rest of the week, if you need. It’s not your fault, Kathryn, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. But if you want to keep this from the others, I will help.”

Pressed into the fabric of his singlet, Chakotay felt her response more than he heard it. “Thank you.”

“Good night, Kathryn.”

“Good night, Chakotay.”

|||||

Extricating himself from Kathryn’s embrace the next morning was one of the hardest things Chakotay had done in a long time. He would give anything to stay curled up in bed with her before she awoke and remembered that the Captain needed to come first. But he knew she wanted to keep up a particular image around Tom and B’Elanna. Appearing from Kathryn’s bedroom would not uphold that image. Slipping off the bed, he watched her mutter and roll over, pulling the blankets with her. A fond smile tugged at his lips.

In the kitchen, Chakotay saw that Xip had already delivered their supplies for the day. He was surprised to note that he felt a pang of sorrow at missing the boy. Xip was a good kid, Chakotay had enjoyed getting to know him. Pulling out the foodstuffs from the box, he was amazed to find a small, folded piece of paper lying amongst the fruit. Pulling it out and unfolding it, Chakotay read, ‘Dear Mr Chakotay. I’ve asked around, but I’m sorry, I haven’t heard about anything or anyone unusual. I wish I could be of more help. Say hello to your wife from me and give her my luck for her event today. All the best, Xip.’

By the time the other three emerged from their respective rooms, Chakotay was flipping his third berry pancake.

“What’s all this?” Tom asked.

Chakotay smiled, feeling elated with life, it was as if the future he’d been living for was in his grasp, if only for a moment. “What’s it look like?” He joked.

Kathryn walked over, standing close as he poured the batter into the buttered pan. “Pancakes!” She smiled. He fought the urge to drop a kiss to her temple.

|||||

“Good luck!” Kathryn called over her shoulder to B’Elanna as the other woman walked toward her event with Tom in tow. Once out of sight, she slipped her arm into Chakotay’s. He smiled down at her. “Thanks,” she whispered, an unusual uncertainty sitting heavily in her stomach.

Rather than respond with words, Chakotay pulled her closer. She felt a contented sigh leave her chest. In the back of her mind, she worried about what was happening. What would it mean when they were back on _Voyager_? She should stop whatever was taking root between them. It was more than their easy friendship. She shook her head. No. Not more. Different. Their friendship was a stronghold in her life. It was a light in the darkness, hope in the void. It wasn’t deficit. It was beautiful. No, what this was, was something added to an already established relationship. She just feared she would become reliant on this new _thing_ emerging between them. This was their future manifesting itself. But was it too soon?

Kathryn brought her hand up to her face and pinched the bridge of her nose. She tried to push the thoughts out of her mind and focus on the warmth and strength of the body she was pressed against.

“You ok?”

Kathryn looked up. Chakotay’s eyes were soft and gentle. The worry and fear brewing in her mind slipped away. She knew she’d have to deal with it later, but for now, she welcomed this glimpse of the future – the one she was fighting for; the one home promised her.

Janeway nodded. “Yes.” She pulled out her tricorder. “Let’s get to work.”

“Aye, Captain.” Chakotay grinned, his dimples flashing.

Kathryn laughed, swatting his chest.

|||||

“I can’t believe we didn’t find anything,” Chakotay said as he pushed the door open to their suite. Other than being stopped and asked to present their visitors passes, they’d seen no sign of the missing woman.

“I can.” Kathryn ran her hand through her hair in frustration. “Where is that girl? How is it that we can find absolutely no trace of her?” She flopped down on one of the dining chairs.

Moving behind her, Chakotay began to massage her shoulders. “They must have some sort of cloaking technology. After your event this afternoon, we should contact Tuvok and see if Harry and Seven can cook up a way to scan for technology that can cloak bio-signs.”

Moving her head so that he could have better access, Kathryn disagreed. “No, that’ll have to wait till tonight. We still need to appear at the evening service.”

“Of course.”

At that moment, Tom and B’Elanna came bursting through the door. Large smiles wreathed both their faces. The Engineer held a large bouquet of flowers.

Chakotay dropped his hands, and hastily stepped away from the Captain. The two newcomers didn’t notice. Kathryn already missed his touch.

“She won! B’Elanna won!” Tom crowed, pride twinkling in his eyes.

“What? That’s wonderful B’Elanna,” Chakotay said, sweeping his friend up into a hug.

Torres laughed and hugged him back. “We even got to go to the Temple and offer the sticks I used in the fight to the Goddess. You should see it! That place is amazing. There are gold and jewels all over the walls and on the shrines. All the objects offered by the winners line the walls. Apparently, each year they build another room onto the temple to hold all the offerings given during the festival week. You can go through the past years' rooms and see what events were available and who won them. It’s like a museum. You’d really like it, Chakotay!”

He caught her excitement. “That sounds incredible,” he said, his eyes shining.

|||||

Tom and B’Elanna returned early from their investigation of a near-by park citing their desire to watch the Captain compete in her event. Standing beside Chakotay, the pair watched in fascination as Kathryn was helped onto a drochmer. Gripping tightly to the reigns, she nodded her thanks to the beast’s handler as he led her into position.

B’Elanna, Tom, and Chakotay cheered with the rest of the stadium as they watched the riders fly over the sandy ground. Twelve women gripped the short manes of their animals, hunching closely to the drochmers’ necks. The trio whistled and waved their arms in celebration as Kathryn crossed the finish line in fifth.

Meeting Kathryn at the edge of the track after her race, Tom and B’Elanna offered their congratulations to Janeway.

Kathryn pulled her helmet off and smiled back at them.

“How was that, Kathryn?” Chakotay asked, taking the headgear from her and passing it to an awaiting attendant.

“Fantastic. Now if you’ll excuse me boys, and B’Elanna,” she nodded in the other woman’s direction earning a smile, “I’m going to wash before this evening’s service. I don’t want to spend the rest of the day smelling like drochmer!”

|||||

That night after submitting their request for new scanning software, Kathryn and Chakotay stayed up with a glass of wine chatting amicably and enjoying each other’s presence. Before too long they retired to the bedroom. Tucking herself into bed while she waited for Chakotay to emerge from the bathroom, Kathryn considered how far they’d come in the last few weeks.

Before the Aningulfi had contacted them, she and her First Officer were in a rough patch in their relationship. It wasn’t anything she didn’t think they could work through, but it was still a sore spot in the back of her mind. Now she was in a large four-poster bed in a fancy hotel on an alien planet waiting for that same man to join her. Janeway chuckled to herself how things had changed. She quickly sobered as she tried to come to grips with the brevity of their situation. Soon they would return to their ship and their crew and their separate quarters. She knew it was for the best but just like when they’d returned from New Earth all those years ago there would be one hell of an adjustment period. She only hoped that this time would be as successful as the last time. She’d do anything to keep their friendship intact. The desperate intensity she felt at that thought sent a shiver of fear through her. Was there a line she wouldn’t cross to keep her family and her friendship in one piece? She wasn’t sure, and that scared her.

Kathryn looked up at the sound of the bathroom door swinging open. The sight of Chakotay standing awkwardly in the doorway blew away her self-fear. She smiled up at him and patted the bed beside her. Pulling back the blankets, he slipped beneath the covers.

“Good night,” Janeway said as she reached out to switch off the lights.

“Sweet dreams, Kathryn,” he replied, laying down beside her. 


	5. Chapter Four: The Bonded Path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bonded Path yields some surprising and cryptic revelations for the Command Team. Meanwhile, the days of the festival continue to pass by with no sign of the missing woman, that is, until Captain Janeway notices something strange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised here is the link to the art that was inspired by a scene in this chapter!  
> Kathryn and Chakotay art  
> Thank you, StephaniDFTBA.

“ _Bonded pairs one through fifteen are required at the entrance to the Bonded Path_ ,” a voice sounded over the loudspeakers. On the way to the service that morning Xylkie, Zol, and _Voyager_ ’s away team had received their entry numbers for the day. The youngest couple were registered as participants sixty-four while somewhat miraculously Kathryn and Chakotay were participants eleven and the other Starfleet pair were listed as thirteen. Waving goodbye to their young guides, the four members of _Voyager_ made their way toward the event's entry point.

It wasn’t too long before Kathryn and Chakotay were called over to an old priestess. “Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay?” She asked. When they nodded their affirmation, she directed them into a small stone building. Waiting inside were four young priestesses watched over by an ancient priest who leant heavily on his cane.

The girls swarmed around them and began to pull at their outfits.

“Stop,” Kathryn demanded. The girls’ eyes grew large and afraid. Chakotay turned around and looked at her. His vest hung open over his green tunic. Lowering her voice, Janeway asked, “What is going on?”

Checking the floor in front of him with the end of his cane, the old priest shuffled toward them. He squinted in their approximate direction. “You must be the visitors,” he said, his voice cracked and wavered.

“Yes, Sir. We are,” Chakotay replied with a slight bow.

“Your uncertainty is forgiven. You must change into holy vestments to walk the Bonded Path. These young ladies will help you. You would do well to do as they say.”

“Yes, Uncle,” Chakotay bowed again before clearing his throat, “Sorry, I mean, Sir. Yes, Sir.”

“Do not worry yourself, my son. I wish you great blessings as you walk the Bonded Path.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

Turning so that they were a few feet apart with their backs to each other, the Command Team assisted the priestesses as they divested them of their clothes and donned thick red robes edged in gold.

Tying a golden sash around her waist, Kathryn turned to Chakotay. The deep V of his tunic revealed a muscular bronzed chest. She blushed. Chakotay’s eyes flicked from the pale cream of her skin at the base of her neck to the slits of the robe’s arms to her bare feet and lower legs. He looked away and busied himself with tightening the gold braided rope around his waist. Her blush spread from her hairline and down her neck.

A priest stepped into the small stone building and requested that they follow him.

“What about our clothes?” Janeway asked.

“They will be waiting for you when you complete the Path,” the old priest replied from his corner, “Fear not, my daughter, you will find what you seek.”

|||||

Standing at the starting point, Chakotay looked over at Kathryn. Her face was set in a determined glare as if by her very look they could finish the course in moments. He smiled to himself as he waited for the priestess to blow the horn and start their turn. The instrument let out a deep bellow, the sound vibrating through the Commander’s chest. In tandem _Voyager_ ’s Senior Officers set off at a brisk walk. Almost instantly, they were separated by a large hedge.

Days ago, he’d read how each stage of the Bonded Path was symbolic. As he picked up his pace and began to jog, he sorted through his memory. The hedge was meant to show the separation between the two members of the pair. It was the start of their lives when they ran alone.

He burst out past the line of hedging. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Kathryn running beside him. He altered his pace to match hers. Up ahead was a floral arch and two seasoned priestesses. Taking Kathryn’s hand, they slowed down to a jog as they went to stand beneath the arch. It symbolised the walk through the divine gardens that each new Zamphtharian couple did once receiving the priest’s approval.

A lump formed in Chakotay’s throat, he was a grown man, and in his many decades of life, he had accumulated countless experiences. Yet staring down at Kathryn’s calculating eyes sent something deep swirling in his stomach. They both knew what was required of them. They’d read the booklet. He just wished they’d discussed it, but what was there to discuss? They had a cover to maintain. So he reached out to hold her face gently, his thumbs resting along her cheekbones.

Chakotay watched her eyes, waiting for permission. They flashed in understanding and frustration at him for taking so long. He almost chuckled. He ducked his head and brought her lips to his. He felt her rise up on her toes to better meet him, his mind instantly cleared of any extraneous thought at the feel of their mouths pressing together.

A flare of anger flashed in his chest. This wasn’t their first kiss, and he certainly hoped it wouldn’t be their last, but it was one of only a small handful. He wanted to cherish it, take it slow, and drink in the smell and feel of her, but Kathryn was already pulling away. Disappointment flooded him at the thought that she might just think of the kiss as another thing they had to do to stay on the planet. Pushing the feeling aside, he decided to enjoy each moment with her while he could. Who knew when the Captain’s duties would pull her away from him? He snorted under his breath. Everyone knew. It’d be the moment they stepped back onto their ship.

The priestesses stepped toward them. Holding small earthenware bowls of red paint, they dipped their fingers into the thick liquid. Chakotay watched as the woman before him reached up and traced a red line down each of his cheeks. The paint was cool against his warm skin. Kathryn turned to look at him, her own strokes of red stood in stark contrast to her pale skin.

Suitably marked, they moved onto their next destination. There were two openings into the maze. In front of them, one opening led to a twisting and turning path between high wooden walls. The other led to a tall chair reminiscent of those used by lifeguards in Tom’s holodeck programmes.

“Do you want to go first, or should I?” Chakotay asked as they jogged up to the entrance.

“You can spot first,” Janeway replied already entering the body of the maze.

The Commander ran to the chair and climbed the ladder to the top. From the wooden seat, he could see the twists and turns of the maze. Using a small microphone, he directed Kathryn’s movements. Soon she emerged at another raised chair. Sliding down the ladder, Chakotay took his turn to follow her directions.

The maze represented how both members must listen and trust their partner through the twists and turns of life. As he ran through the straight stretches and rounded the corners, Chakotay appreciated the imagery. He glanced up, spotting the Captain high above him. What he saw shocked him to a standstill. Rather than sitting on the chair or even standing on the platform, Kathryn was perched on the chair's seat. She held the back of it for support as she stood precariously on its edge.

“ _Commander! Keep going._ ”

“Kathryn, what are you doing? You’ll fall.”

“ _No, I won’t. I’m perfectly fine. See?_ ” She let go of the back of the chair and waved. Chakotay’s heart skipped a beat.

“ _Now, get a move on, Commander._ ”

Chakotay skipped into a jog. “Please just get down from there,” he muttered.

“ _Then I wouldn’t be able to tell you where to go. You’d be lost in the maze._ ”

He groaned; she’d heard him.

“ _It’s not my fault the Zamphtharians are all giants,_ ” she continued.

“Kathryn, they’re my hight.”

“ _Exactly. Giants. Left here, then your next right and you’ll be out. I’ll meet you at the entrance._ ”

“Please be careful.”

“ _I’ll be fine. You worry too much._ ”

Chakotay speed to a run to meet Janeway at the entrance. When she came jogging out of her side of the maze, he breathed a sigh of relief. It didn’t go unnoticed by her. She rolled her eyes and cheekily poked her tongue out at him before she realised what she was doing and closed her lips firmly together.

On the path before them was a small two-story dwelling flanked by two attendants. When they reached them, one attendant handed the Command Team a white candle, and the other lit its wick. Walking into the dark interior, Kathryn and Chakotay approached the house’s small shrine. Ten other candles flickered softly along the wooden shelf. Kathryn dropped hot wax onto the wood before pressing the candle's base into it to hold it steady.

Together, they made their way up the stairs. They met another attendant on the landing. The young priest handed them a small wooden toy car and directed them to place it in one of the rooms. Looking about, Chakotay realised that each couple going through that day would add something until the house was furnished with everything a young family would need, including toys for their children.

When he asked Xylkie about it later, he was pleased to hear that each year during the festival, a struggling young family was chosen from the community and gifted the house. It represented the building of one’s family, be that small, large, conventional, or unconventional, and how the community's contributions were essential for the bonded pair's growth.

After they placed the toy car on an inbuilt shelf, the pair walked back down the stairs and out of the house. Chakotay glanced over at Kathryn. He yearned to reach over and pull her into his arms when he noticed that she was blinking away a stray tear, but he knew she wouldn’t welcome it, especially not in such a public place.

Beside the house was a small shed. Two young women smiled at them. One held out a bowl of paint. Dipping their hands into the yellow liquid, Chakotay and Kathryn intertwined their thumbs and pressed their conjoined hands onto the shed's wall. The resulting mark looked something like a butterfly or bird in flight. Thanking the other priestess for the cloth used to clean their hands, they made their way along a grassy path. Marked by a blue string held up by small rods wedged into the ground, it was easy to follow.

The path ended on the bank of a river. On the grassy verge sat a collection of canoe-like boats. Chakotay turned his head, in the distance he saw a small four-wheeler bouncing along the bank, pulling more of the small vessels up-river.

“I guess we’ll be getting that boat ride after all,” he said with a smile.

Kathryn turned her head and flashed a smile back at him. Pointing to one of the canoes, she replied, “This one.”

“Aye, aye, Cap'n.”

Janeway laughed goodnaturedly wondering when it was she’d been promoted to ‘Pirate Queen’. She helped him pull the boat into the water. Soon they were nestled securely inside the centre of the vessel. Paddling proved easy as they moved with the current rather than against it.

Twisting her head so that Chakotay could hear her, Kathryn asked, “What’s this part meant to symbolise?”

“It’s another metaphor for working together and taking the twists and turns of life as a unified pair rather than trying to deal with them alone.”

As they continued to paddle, navigating the river's winding bends, Chakotay watched Kathryn shift from wanting to race down the waterway to enjoying the scenery. He wished he could freeze time for a moment and let her experience the peace she was so obviously enjoying.

Their lives were hectic at the best of times; there wasn’t much opportunity to take a step back and enjoy the beauty of creation. He worried about her and her need to push herself beyond reasonable expectation, but he knew that was unlikely to change any time soon. As he watched the sun glint off her hair and listened to the happy little noises that escaped whenever she saw a bird or fish or beautiful plant, the love he felt for Kathryn hit him deep in his soul.

What he felt wasn’t fuelled by lust and desire, burning bright and fast. It was something that was at once both smaller and greater. It was small enough that it wormed its way into every part of his being. His desires, worries, hopes, and fears found themselves irreversibly intertwined with the woman before him. He had a burning desire to keep her safe and watch her step out into the world and conquer it – to be the best and brightest self that she could be. He wanted to see her happy and flourishing.

His love was also greater because it wasn’t tied to the need to pull her into bed with him. If that time ever came, he would welcome it gladly. But, no, his desire to express his love in such a physical way was just a small part of what he felt. The desire to do things for her, to be with her, to listen to her when she talked, and to watch her as she went about her duties was so much greater. He craved the intimate connection that living life with someone granted.

The jolt of the boat brought Chakotay out of his musings. Blinking as he sought to refocus on his task, the Commander looked around him. They had moored themselves on the sandy bank of the river. Climbing out of the boat, he helped Kathryn carry it up onto the grassy verge where two red-garbed attendants were waiting to load it onto a trailer. The attendants waved them on to their next stop.

At the base of a towering platform sat a wide wooden bench adorned with flowers of various colours and sizes. At one end of the table were two small pillows side by side. The old woman who stood near the bench beckoned them forward. Hesitantly they approached. Her two young assistants rounded it and grasped both Kathryn and Chakotay by their hands.

“What’s happening now?” Janeway whispered out the corner of her mouth.

Chakotay frowned trying to remember. He’d thought that once they’d left the boat, a representation of rising into the afterlife and meeting with the Divine Goddess, all that remained was ascending the stairs to be blessed by the priest. The old woman and the bench before them confused him. He couldn’t remember reading about it in the documents they had been given.

“Ma’am?”

The old woman gave the Commander a broad, gap-toothed smile. The sharp teeth of the Zamphtharians looked especially odd when interspersed with empty spaces where only the gum was visible.

“What part of the journey is this?”

“Death.”

“I thought leaving the river was the symbol of death?”

“It is. Here we prepare your bodies and souls to meet with the Divine. Even when you die, your soul is bound to your beloved. Your journey is almost over, but before you can meet with the Goddess, the living must make the final preparations that you cannot.”

“I see. Thank you.”

“You are welcome, my son. Now, lie here alongside your bonded.”

Chakotay nodded and offered Katheryn a hand to help her onto the bench without destroying the flowers that edged it. Once settled, he stepped on the stool provided and lay next to her. The old woman prompted them to move their arms. Chakotay brought up his right arm to rest across his chest, his hand fisting so that his fingers weren’t on his shoulder. Kathryn did the same with her left arm. Between them, their arms remained straight with their hands clasped.

Holding a small bowl of perfumed oil high above her head, the old woman intoned, “In life, we are connected. In death, we so remain. For those who’ve come before and those who are to come, we thank the Divine. For those to whom we say goodbye, we seek the Goddess’ welcome. May their souls be bound for all eternity in her love. Divine Goddess, we present this man and woman to you. Care for them until we may meet again.”

She lowered the bowl and dipped her arthritic fingers into it. Using two fingers, she swiped the oil across their foreheads, from temple to temple. Dipping her thumb back into the oil, she then stroked from their hairlines to the end of their noses. Beside her, the young girls chanted softly.

After making a sweeping motion through the air above them, the old woman invited them to hop down from the bench and make their way to the top of the platform. The view from the top was magnificent, but the Command Team didn’t have time to enjoy it. Quickly kneeling on the low padded bench, both officers rested their elbows on the rail above it. Palms cupped upward they bowed their heads and waited for High Priest to make his way toward them.

Smiling at the two visitors from another world, the priest reached out his hands and rested one on each of their bowed heads. “My children,” he began, “May you receive the blessing of the Divine Goddess. May she smile upon you and draw you into her embrace. May your union be strengthened and endure through times of trouble and times of joy.” He lowered his hands and in an unprecedented move, kneeled on the other side of the rail.

Facing Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay, the older man took their hands in his. They looked at him in confusion. This wasn’t part of the usual proceedings.

He cleared his throat. “My friends. You still have a perilous journey through the stars ahead of you. You will face many challenges, and the strength of your bond will be sorely tested. There may be times when you wonder if it will survive. I promise you,” he squeezed their hands tight, “the Goddess will be watching. She will fortify you if you turn to her.”

The man sighed and looked at them each in the eye. “I know that you have other gods that you serve, and I will not tell you to turn away from them. But what I say, I say to give you hope. There will be darkness.” He looked at Chakotay. “Death may feel present and all too real.” He turned to Kathryn. “You may each blame yourselves for things that are not your fault, and you may refuse to acknowledge the things that are. But together, you can withstand the storms that are to come.”

The priest stood and lifted his hands high above his head. He continued as if he never diverted from the ritual. “Stand. Know that you are blessed.”

The Command Team rose. Following the rail around the platform's edge, they descended the steps and left the course under a large flapping banner. A crowd waited at the exit. Chakotay reasoned that they must be waiting for their friends and family to finish their own runs on the course. He and Kathryn joined them and settled in to wait for Tom and B’Elanna.

While they waited, Chakotay turned to his Captain and his friend. “Do you want to talk about what just happened?”

Kathryn’s shoulders rose and fell in a silent sigh. “I can’t convince you to add it to the list?”

Chakotay yelled internally. It was like pulling a tooth trying to get Kathryn to talk about them. She could and would talk about anything and everything else but that which hit close to the heart? She struggled. He understood, he really did. Or at least. He thought he did. But that didn’t always make it easier. Sometimes it made it more challenging.

He lowered his head so that she could hear him over the chattering of the crowd around them. He spoke softly. “If that is what you wish.”

She turned her head to look up at him and felt her heart wedge itself in her throat. She held his gaze for what felt like an eternity before stepping away flustered. Kathryn watched as he ran a hand over his face. Confusion swirled inside of her at the pang of guilt she felt. Desperate to make amends but not quite sure how to do it, she reached out her hand and clasped his, intertwining their fingers. He looked at her in surprise.

She may be along in years, she thought, but it seemed there was still much for her to learn about love. She wondered if it counted as ironic that a woman who’d been engaged twice and been in more than her fair share of romances was at a loss standing hand in hand with the man she was afraid to admit she was in love with.

|||||

Tom held B’Elanna’s hand in his own as they descended the stairs and left the Bonded Path. He particularly enjoyed being blessed by the old man. It felt right somehow despite the religion not being his own, or B’Elanna’s either for that matter. They looked around as they tried to spot the Captain and Chakotay. He dropped his lover’s hand and pointed ahead of them.

“There they are. Chakotay must have said something funny. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the Captain laugh so hard.”

They paused, reflecting.

“She looks happy,” B’Elanna noted.

“I wish they knew they had our – the crew’s, I mean – support.”

“I tried talking to Chakotay about it once. He was pretty quick to shut me down. I think it just hurt too much.”

“Sometimes I think the old man’s heart is too big for his own good.” Paris shook his head. “I think most of the crew have decided that there’s nothing there between them. That it’s just the sort of friendship they share. And maybe they’re right. Maybe I’ve read them wrong.” He shrugged.

B’Elanna frowned. She wasn’t convinced Tom was wrong. There was something there between her two Senior Officers. At least, there used to be. Events in the last few years made her doubt if she had to be honest.

Paris continued. “I spoke to Tuvok about it a while ago. Probably a few years ago, now that I think about it.”

“You never told me about that.”

“Nah, he wasn’t too pleased about me wanting to interfere. Threatened to tell the Captain and have me busted down to crewman for trying to mess with the chain of command or some such nonsense.”

B’Elanna laughed. “Come on, you idiot. Let’s catchup.”

|||||

Kathryn rubbed at her temple, trying to will away the headache that was growing there. Beside her, Chakotay was looking as done with the current conversation as she was. “No, Tuvok, we don’t need an emergency beam out,” she repeated in exasperation. “If Seven and Harry have finished that software…?”

“Yes, Captain. I have been informed that they have finished the preparations for the new software. They have combined the data we have concerning Aningulfi biology with all known information on various cloaking technologies. I will send the download link immediately.”

“Thank you, Tuvok,” Chakotay said quickly, his finger hovering ready to cut the transmission. “Chakotay and Janeway out.”

Kathryn turned to look at him. “Was that necessary?”

Chakotay pulled off his combadge and placed it beside his PADD and tricorder. “I know he’s just worried about you, but I couldn’t take any more of his not-so-subtle jabs to take better care of you and to come back to _Voyager_.”

Kathryn shook her head. “If he heard you say that.”

“He’d have me flayed alive; I know.”

Janeway laughed. She placed her hand on his arm. Just as she was about to defend one of her oldest friends, Chakotay placed his hand on top of hers. The words flew out of her head.

“Come on, Kathryn. Let’s go to bed. We’ve let Tuvok know that we still haven’t found the girl. Our tricorders are downloading the new software. There’s nothing more to do than get a good sleep and hope tomorrow yields better results.”

Kathryn nodded. Pulling off her own combadge, she placed it beside Chakotay’s.

“No need to take these with us,” she grinned. “Our friend in the sky might just call to reprimand us some more. That wouldn’t be too good for our sleep, would it?”

Chakotay chuckled lightly. “I’d say not.” He offered his arm, which she gladly took. Together they walked into the bedroom free of technology and more at ease with one another than the night before.

|||||

Kathryn rolled over in her sleep. Her hand rested on Chakotay’s torso. Something about it pulled her from her slumber. Rather than soft and relaxed as was usually the case when he slept, his muscles were stiff and tightly tensed. The fabric under her hand felt damp with cold sweat.

Raising on her elbow, Kathryn blinked wearily. She peered through the gloom. The man beside her was rigid. Every muscle in his body appeared to be held in tight suspense, ready to lash out at whatever threat was coming. His face was contorted out of its usual peaceful lines.

She shuffled closer.

From her new position, Kathryn realised that Chakotay’s lips were moving. He was muttering in his sleep. She reached over and brushed away the hair that clung to his clammy forehead. How their roles had been reversed. Bringing her head closer to his, she tried to make out his words.

It took her a moment in her sleep-induced haze to realise that he wasn’t speaking Federation Standard. She sat there for a moment, shocked. She knew he was fluent in more than one language; she just hadn’t thought that Standard might not be his mother tongue. Had he ever spoken to her in this other language without her realising? For all the good the universal translator did, it obviously hid some things as well.

Shaking her head in an effort to clear it, she shuffled closer to Chakotay. The side of her body pressed against his. Gently at first and then a little more roughly, she attempted to pull him out of his nightmare.

If it were even remotely possible, she would have said her attempts only caused him to stiffen more. How different than her own flailing and screaming. She knew that for herself, her night terrors were one of the reasons for her ongoing disagreement with sleep. Did Chakotay share that trait with her, or was this a rare occurrence?

She tried waking him again but he remained locked in whatever hellish dreamscape held him captive. His muttering continued unabated. Getting desperate as his body began to shake with the strain of being coiled so tightly, she tore the blankets off them.

Her shaking and nudging proving unsuccessful, she moved to straddle his waist. Kneeling above him, she lay her hands on his chest and shook him vigorously. The bed groaned beneath them. 

“Chakotay!” Kathryn cried. Fear curling itself around her heart. What was wrong with him? Surely this wasn’t normal.

On the fifth, or maybe it was the eighth, shake she found herself flying sideways through the air. Thanking the large size of the bed, she landed on the edge of the mattress with a tooth rattling thump. Ready to fight an unaware, half-asleep, panicked man, she quickly drew herself up. Seeking him out with her eyes, Kathryn was surprised to note that Chakotay had sprung off the bed and had retreated several steps.

She crawled toward him. She tried somewhat successfully to keep her voice low and calm. “Chakotay. It’s ok. It’s me. Kathryn. You’re alright. You’re alright, Chakotay.”

Her First Officer looked at her uncomprehendingly, his fists curled at his sides and his chest heaving erratically. He spoke in the strange tongue.

Kathryn swallowed heavily. Even though she didn’t know what he was saying, it was undeniably a question. “I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t understand.”

Chakotay mirrored her and shook his head dumbly. After a moment or two, she could see the man she knew re-emerge. “Kathryn?”

She felt a weird sound escape her; it was half-way between a sob and a laugh. He was ok. Relief pushed her to action. She scrambled off the bed and flung herself into his arms, not caring about the cold sweat tha dampened his clothes.

Unsure, he embraced her. “Kathryn, what’s going on?”

She let out another half-laugh. “You had a nightmare. I tried to wake you, but you weren’t responsive. I almost called the Doctor!”

Chakotay petted Kathryn’s hair absentmindedly. “I’m sorry for worrying you, Love.” He froze. The endearment had just slipped out.

Pulling back, Kathryn took his hands in hers. She gave them a gentle squeeze. “It’s ok,” she tried to reassure him. “We’ll just add it to the list.” When her small attempt at humour failed, she took a step back. “Take a quick shower, change your clothes, and come back to bed?” She asked tentatively.

Chagrined, Chakotay nodded. He spun on his heel and left the room without another word. Janeway rested her hand on her lower back and rubbed her forehead with the other. Moving back toward the bed and under the covers, she wondered if anything would be simple again. As Morpheus welcomed her back into his arms, she laughed at her choice of words. As if anything had ever been _simple_.

|||||

Something felt different. Kathryn couldn’t put her finger on it. She had woken up in bed with Chakotay beside her, but that was no different than the morning before. They had met with Xylkie and Zol after piecing together a quick breakfast of cereal and berries. Again, nothing unusual. They had attended the morning service as they had every morning since arriving. And now they stood waiting for that day’s ceremonial event, the Breaking of Bread, to begin.

She looked around furtively. Cataloguing the morning’s events in an attempt to alleviate her growing unease hadn’t helped. She moved closer to Chakotay intent on asking him if he felt it too. Before she could ask, however, he snuck his arm around her and pulled her close. A sense of wellbeing flowed over her. She heard Lieutenant Paris comment to no one in particular,

“Wow, the Commander is really getting into his role.”

She wanted to shoot him a glare, but just then the High Priest began to speak. Raising his arms into the air, he intoned a blessing over the baskets of bread that sat before him. Idly, Janeway wondered if they’d baked the loaves using the Eternal Flame that still burnt brightly beside the priest’s platform.

Priests and priestesses moved to pick up the baskets of bread. Carrying them around the crowd, bonded pairs each grabbed a small loaf to share. Chakotay thanked the young woman holding the basket as he grabbed his and Kathryn’s loaf. He turned his head to see her better and noticed that her eyes were scanning the crowd. She’d been doing that all morning. He was starting to get concerned.

“Kathryn?” He asked.

“Hmmm?” She looked up at him. “Those three, over there. There’s something odd about them, don’t you think?”

Chakotay looked over to where she had gestured with her head. He frowned. There _was_ something off about them, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. All of a sudden, it hit him.

They looked more unsure about the ceremony than the away team did. He watched as they each tried to grab a loaf only to be admonished by the priest carrying the basket.

“Tom,” Kathryn said, keeping her voice low so not to be overheard.

“Yes, Captain?”

“The three young Zamphtharians over there, can you scan them?”

“I can try, Captain.” Paris reached into the pocket of his loose flowing pants. Pulling out his tricorder, he angled his body toward their suspects. Holding it low and as inconspicuously as possible, Tom scanned the surrounding area. After a moment, he brought the device closer to his face. His eyebrows skyrocketed.

“Well?” Janeway questioned.

“It’s them all right. Unless other aliens are hiding out here and using serious amounts of energy to cloak their biosignatures.”

“Keep an eye on them. If they start to leave, Chakotay and I will follow them. We’ll comm you when we need to switch.”

“Aye, Captain.”

Kathryn turned her attention once more to the ceremony. Chakotay smiled down at her, letting her know that he heard the plan and was ready to follow their suspects when the time came.

At the High Priest's direction, the Commander held out one end of the loaf to Kathryn. Beside them, B’Elanna did the same for Tom. Together, along with all the bonded pairs gathered, they ripped the small loaves in half.

Watching the three interlopers out of the corner of her eye, Kathryn tore the half in her hands in half again. Chakotay mirrored her actions. She stretched out the quarter of the loaf in her right hand and held it up for Chakotay to take a bite. He did the same for her.

Above them, the priest resumed talking. “Today we partake of food together. We remember that nourishment comes not from our work alone. It is only through the work of all of us and the grace of the Divine Goddess that our fields yield crops, our mills work, and our bakers have the skills to bring these loaves into existence. Express thanks for those that have toiled so that we may live and grow. Remember those with whom you share food. Our bodies may be fortified with bread, but our hearts and minds are fortified by those we love. Go in peace. Let today be one of remembrance and thankfulness.”

When the echo of the priest’s words faded, Kathryn nudged Chakotay. Slowly they moved through the sea of bodies following the trio of ‘Zamphtharians’ at a safe distance. Once they had cleared the crowd, the Command Team fell back.

The imposters led them to a small apartment complex. Chakotay muttered thanks to the Spirits that they lived in one of the downstairs flats. Leaning as inconspicuously as she could against the old, railed fence separating the complex from the sidewalk, Kathryn pulled out her tricorder. Scanning the building, she let out a muted sound of astonishment.

Chakotay stepped into her space. He spoke softly so that only she could hear. “What is it?” He asked.

“They’ve decloaked,” she whispered, twisting the device so that he could see the readout.

“It looks like we’ve found our missing woman.”

“What I don’t understand,” Kathryn said later as they shared an ice cream while standing beneath a tree in the small run-down park across the road, “is why they were at the ceremony this morning.”

“Perhaps they were trying to hide in plain sight?”

“No, it’s more than that. There are no signs of injury on either of the Aningulfi women in that apartment. Which is another thing. Why are there two women? Is one a decoy? Or was she part of the scheme to kidnap the future Empress of Aningulf?”

Chakotay nodded. He took a lick of his frozen treat as he thought. “There’s also the question of why there’s only one biosignature that isn’t Aningulfi. Surely if you kidnap a prominent figure from another world and hide them among your enemies using some pretty sophisticated cloaking technology you would have more guards?”

Kathryn rubbed her chin and then the back of her neck. “There’s more going on here than we realise.”

The Commander agreed as he popped the last of the crispy cone into his mouth with a crunch. “It’s getting late,” he noted. “The evening service is about to start. Why don’t you find Tom and B’Elanna and let them know what’s happening? They can take over after the service. I’ll stay here and keep an eye on the house. If they try to leave, I’ll tail them and comm you as to their whereabouts.”

“Trying to keep me out of danger, Commander?”

“Nothing of the sort. I thought you’d like to be the one to tell our two troublemakers that your hunch was right and that we’ve definitely found them. Or at least, an excellent replica of our missing future empress,” he grinned.

Kathryn laughed and swatted him. Suddenly, she was overcome with a strong desire to kiss him. It wasn’t the first time she’d had such an impulse. But something over the last week had chiselled away at her defences. She paused, her eyes flicking down to his lips. She bit her own without realising it. She swayed toward him.

“Kathryn?”

Blinking, the Captain pulled herself out of the stupor she had fallen into. She cleared her throat. “Right. I’ll see you soon.”

Chakotay gave her an adorable little frown. She groaned; she couldn’t let him know she thought that. She’d never live it down.

|||||

Lieutenants Tom Paris and B’Elanna Torres left their targets sleeping soundly in their apartment. They had taken over from Chakotay shortly after the evening service. To their surprise, the trio had stayed put and not ventured out. That pattern continued as the evening wore into the early morning.

“Come on, Sweetheart, let’s get some rest.”

“Shouldn’t we stake them out all night?” B’Elanna asked.

“If they haven’t left by now, they’re not going to. The Captain and the Commander will come back in a few hours. We won’t miss anything.”

“I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

Tom scrubbed his face. “B’Elanna, darling, it’s fine, you’ll see. Come on, aren’t you tired?”

B’Elanna yawned and then frowned ferociously.

Tom chuckled. Taking her hand, he led her away from the old apartment complex. On entering their own accommodation, the pair were surprised to note their Commanding Officers sitting on the couch fast asleep. Chakotay had his arm around the Captain, and she was curled into his chest. B’Elanna moved to pull a blanket over them while Tom picked up the half-drunk wine glasses and poured the contents down the sink.

“Let them sleep,” Tom said, pulling B’Elanna into his side.

They tip-toed into their room.

The next morning the Captain and her First Officer were nowhere to be found. “I guess they managed to get out to the apartment,” Tom commented around a piece of toast.

B’Elanna picked up the folded blanket left on the couch and placed it back inside the cupboard. “I can’t imagine it was comfortable.”

“No. But B’, maybe this is a sign!”

Torres looked at him with a raised brow. “A sign?”

“Yeah! Of their impending bliss?”

“Tom, you’re reading too much into two exhausted people falling asleep on a couch late at night.”

“That’s my point! Why didn’t the Captain go to bed? Why didn’t she let the big guy sleep on what is obviously the one place he’s been sleeping since we got here? I mean, she was tucked under his arm for gods’ sake!”

B’Elanna groaned fondly at her husband’s antics. “Leave it alone, Tom. And hurry up with your breakfast, or we’re going to be late for the morning service.”

Paris hurriedly swallowed the last of his toast. “I’ll make you a matchmaker yet.”

“When the time comes, and I’m not saying it will, what makes you think you’ll want me matchmaking?”

“Oh, it will.”

“Sure, it will, Fly-boy.”

Tom laughed and wrapped his arm around B’Elanna’s shoulders, walking with her out of their suite.

|||||

“Captain! Commander! You must be feeling better!”

Kathryn exchanged a look with Chakotay. What was Xylkie talking about?

“The Lieutenants told me you couldn’t make it to the morning service because you weren’t feeling well. I hope it was nothing you ate!”

“Oh, no. Nothing like that,” Kathryn dismissed the idea with a wave of her hand. “But thank you. Yes, the Commander and I are feeling much better now.”

“I’m so glad you could make it in time for the dances. This is my favourite day of the festival! Do you like to dance?”

“I don’t believe we’ve danced in a while,” Chakotay said, watching Kathryn.

“Oh! You HAVE to get on the dance floor quickly then,” their young guide exclaimed. “The floor fills up super quickly.”

“Yes, I see people are already starting to dance.”

Xylkie grabbed Zol’s hand and pulled him toward the growing sea of bodies gyrating on the large wooden platform. As soon as they were out of earshot, Tom leaned over and asked, “Why are you here?”

Chakotay turned and pointed to three young Zamphtharians who were dancing on the edge of the crowd. “It looks like they wanted to get out of the house for a bit.”

Kathryn moved to confront the trio when Chakotay grabbed her by the arm. “Let them have their dance,” he said.

“But.”

“Dance with me?”

“But.”

“Please?”

B’Elanna covered her mouth to hold back her laughter.

“It’s alright, Captain. We’ll watch them for you. One dance can’t hurt.”

Kathryn smiled and ducked her head. At her acquiescence, Chakotay’s grin lit up his face. They moved to join the teeming masses on the wooden platform.

Tom elbowed Torres. She grunted. “See?” He gloated.

B’Elanna rolled her eyes. “I want to get a little closer. You coming?”

|||||

Kathryn curled into Chakotay’s embrace. The music flowed around them, deep and earthy. The main instrument used, as far as she could tell, was something like earth’s organ. There was a spooky almost mysterious undertone to the music, but she paid it no heed. Her whole consciousness was filled with the man holding her in his arms. They’d danced together before at First Contact banquets and Neelix’s parties. But this felt more like the private dance they shared in ‘Venice’ and with it came a wave of messy, complicated emotions.

The song came to an end. She pushed him away, gently. “Let’s go,” she whispered. There must have been something written on her face that made him agree without argument. She wanted to curl up and cry. All the reasons why she couldn’t have this, have _him_ came tumbling back into her mind.

What was she thinking, asking him to play pretend for the week? The problem wasn’t that she didn’t love him, just the opposite. Every time Kathryn thought she’d dealt with those tricky emotions, reasoned through them, come to peace with what could and couldn’t be, they came roaring back.

Janeway felt Chakotay’s hand rest on her lower back, the contact centred her, pulling her back to reality. They had a job to do. She’d deal with those damn feelings later.

Sliding up to the young people, Kathryn was reassured by the large presence of Chakotay behind her. She placed a hand on one of the young women’s arms. “We need to talk.”

The woman pulled away. “What? Who are you people?”

Kathryn looked up and was pleased to note that Tom and B’Elanna were advancing on their position. “I’m Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship _Voyager_ , and High Emperor Kluuqlan has sent me to retrieve his daughter.”

The other woman standing there shook her head, tears formed in her eyes. “No. I won’t go back. You can’t make me!” She turned to run away but was caught by Lieutenant Paris.

“I’m sorry, Miss, but the Captain’s right. We need to talk.” 


	6. Epilogue: A Mirror Image

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having finally discovered their missing person, Captain Janeway is confronted with a decision.

“Let me get this straight,” B’Elanna said, “you weren’t kidnapped? No one took you from the planet without your consent?”

“No,” the young Aningulfi said, her large white eyes blinking sadly. They had retreated to the trio’s hideout, and all seven of them were now crowded around the young woman’s kitchen table nursing teas. “That’s what I keep trying to tell you. I was the one who organized this whole thing. I ran away. It was my choice.”

“But what about your ‘friend’, here?” Kathryn gestured to the large crustacean-like creature beside her. He clicked his mandibles.

“Klaa? Klaa and I met on a peace mission. Unfortunately, my father couldn't get it to work, but Klaa and I got along, and we became good friends. We’re not meant to correspond, of course,” the young woman shrugged, “but we did. I told him how I wanted to get away. To be myself. To be with the person I loved.” She looked soulfully at the other Aningulfi at the table.

“And she’s who you love?” Chakotay questioned softly, his heart aching for the young woman.

“Yes,” Ula nodded. “You don’t understand. Being Father’s eldest, I had all this pressure to become the next Empress and then the next High Empress. I was okay with that. I did all my lessons, went on all the diplomatic trips, did everything that was asked of me, and more. But then they said I had to get married. I’d already sacrificed so much, I put my people, my family first all this time and then I find out I didn’t get a choice in who I married?

“Sure, Chancellor Hiivae is a nice enough man. More than nice, really. Under different circumstances, I’m sure we could be really good friends. I could have probably even learned to love him. At the very least, I’m sure I would have become fond of the man. But–,” her voice wavered.

“But you’d already fallen in love.”

“Yes.” The tentacles above Ula’s mouth quivered sorrowfully. The woman beside her curved her arm-like tentacle over Ula’s. “Lorilma was one of my handmaids. She’s kind and smart and funny and has the biggest heart out of anyone I’ve ever met. I didn’t mean to fall in love. It was stupid, really, but she was always there, close beside me, caring for me." She shook her head. "It wasn't just about doing the job. We became friends and then there was something more."

“I tried to stop it. Honest, I did. I knew our love wouldn’t be looked on kindly. We’re meant to marry someone who’s our equal in rank or at least someone who isn’t expected to obey you at every turn. We recognize that a good partnership - something that’s really important when you’re the leader of a planet - has to be made up of two people who can bring out the best in each other and challenge each other.

“Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘equally yoked’? You have? That’s what marriages on Aningulf aspire to. It’s not my fault I fell for someone that Father and the Council say is not my equal partner. They just don’t understand.”

“What don’t they understand Ula?”

“Being equally yoked isn’t just about your rank in society or your wealth or your education. There’s something more, something deeper, about it. Lori and I, we are equally yoked. She brings out the best in me, she challenges me. Just because she was my handmaid and I have all this ‘power’ over her doesn’t change what we are to each other.”

The young woman sighed tragically. “I don’t expect you to understand, but I had to get away. If I stayed, I’d continue to have all that power, but what use is it when I can’t be with the woman I love? How am I meant to be an empress when part of me is missing? How can I do right by my people when I’m hurting every day? So I decided the only thing I could do was run away. I asked Klaa to help me, and then I asked Lori to join me. She said yes, so we left.”

Kathryn reached out her hand. Her eyes were full of sympathy and understanding. “You might not believe me, Ula. But I think I do understand. It’s hard being at the top. It can be lonely and scary. You have all these responsibilities that weigh on you, all these people who rely on you. But, please, Ula, don’t give up. Your people need you. You will make a great empress one day. You see others as more than their rank or position, more than their job. If you’re going to help your people, that’s so important.”

Kathryn grasped Ula’s tentacle with both hands. “There’s one more day left of the festival. I want you to seriously consider coming back with us. Bring Lorilma. We’ll talk to your father. Maybe we can arrange something. I’m sure there’s a way where you can have both. You can have love, but you can also do that job you’ve been training your whole life for. You shouldn’t have to throw either of them away. They’re both a part of who you are. Will you do that? Will you think about it for me?”

Ula stared at the table. A pregnant silence filled the room. Eventually, she nodded. “Okay. I’ll think about it. I’m not promising anything, though.”

“That’s alright. You don’t have to promise anything. Just think about it.”

|||||

Chakotay and Kathryn stood and watched as the chosen couple took the Eternal Flame from the bonfire that had been burning all week. The past day had gone by quickly. Without trying to find the elusive Ula, the team had had the chance to finally relax. Breakfast had been a light affair and even the morning service with its accompanying sacrifices didn't seem as painful to tolerate. The evening was upon them. The team said goodbye to Xylkie and Zol, thanking them for their hospitality. Though it seemed that they were often off doing their own thing, a state of affairs that lent itself handily to their mission, Xylkie had been an enthusiastic contact.

Rather than join the crowd as they moved toward the Temple, Paris, Torres, Chakotay, and Janeway stood in the park as the temporary lights dimmed. The last of the fireworks lit up the sky above them. Tom wrapped his arm around B’Elanna as she curled into his side. Reaching out her hand, Kathryn pressed her palm against Chakotay’s relishing the feeling of his fingers intertwining with hers. Her face turned upwards as she took in the shapes the fireworks made on the inky backdrop. This would likely be the last time she’d experience such a pleasure.

Later, when she was wrapped in warm blankets beside him, she confessed, “I’m going to miss this.”

“Miss what, Kathryn?”

She knew he was pushing her to _talk_ while they had the chance. But it rankled that Chakotay couldn’t just agree to push everything that had happened into a box where the memories would only be pulled out on a rainy day. She sighed inwardly. She owed it to him, and to herself, to do better. She moved closer to him, resting her head on his chest. He curled his arm around her, waiting.

“You. Here. With me.” She placed her hand on his chest. “I… I’ve really enjoyed it, Chakotay.”

“I have too. But Kathryn, you don’t have to miss it. Who says we can’t…” He left the sentence dangling, knowing she would understand his meaning.

Kathryn sat up. He mirrored her movements, his arm still looped around her. His hand now resting at her hip. She looked down at her fingers, twisting in her lap. “No,” she said quietly, gently, “We can’t. You know we can’t.”

She felt the air leave his body. His fingers pressed a little tighter against her hip and then relaxed. When he finally spoke, she had to strain to hear him. As he continued, his voice remained quiet, caressing her, every word thoughtfully chosen and clearly heard. They stabbed her heart like a knife.

“I know. Trust me, Kathryn, I know. But please, listen to me. I need you to listen carefully. My love for you,” her breath hitched. He continued as if he hadn’t noticed, “isn’t about physical intimacy. It’s not about taking you to bed,” he chuckled lightly at the absurdity of his words as they sat in bed together.

“Maybe one day it will be, but I’d never presume to ask for more than you’re willing to share with me. My love,” he stroked her cheek lightly, reverently, “is about being there for you, with you. Standing by your side. Fighting for your health and wellbeing, fighting alongside you as you fight your battle for what is good and true. None of that is going to change.

“My love is about not letting you lose yourself; it’s about helping you see the best in yourself. It goes deeper than kisses and caresses. It’s about the heart, mind, and soul. Kathryn, my love _supports_ you. It supports your decision, this decision, _our_ decision to put our crew, our mission to get home, ahead of a sexual relationship.”

He shook his head lightly before continuing, “But that doesn’t change my love. It remains at the forefront of what I do for you. Don’t tell me that we can’t love each other, or Spirits’ forbid, _don’t_ love each other. We already do, we can’t change what’s already happened. Our choice – because I’m making this choice with you – to sacrifice one part of our relationship makes our love stronger, not weaker.”

He pressed his forehead to the top of her head. “By the Spirits, woman, I wish we could be joined in every way, and part of me lives in the hope that one day we will. But I trust and know that love takes many different forms over many lifetimes. And while there will always be part of me that lives for that future, as uncertain as it sometimes is, for now, my love is in the shape of a commander’s rank bar. It’s also in the shape of the strength and love of a friend.”

Silence fell over them. Kathryn breathed in his scent and committed the sensation of being held by Chakotay to memory. When she spoke, it held the same soft gentleness that his speech had been made in. “You’re right, there is something between us. Something unique. I honestly believe that as long as we’re together, we can make it home.” She twisted her head up to look at him. He was surprised to note that the tears in his own eyes were reflected in hers.

“I wouldn’t have made it this far without you, and if I lost you, I don’t think I could get our ship home.”

“Kathryn…”

“No, I mean it. Together we’re something more, something bigger, something better. Together we can make it through whatever challenges the Delta Quadrant throws at us. And when we get home…” She cleared her throat. “When we get home…” The words wouldn’t come, but he understood. He pulled her closer, and she shifted onto her side to curl into him.

Janeway lifted her hand and caressed Chakotay’s cheek. She felt the stubble shadowing his jaw and cheeks beneath her fingers. It grounded her, strengthened her. “Please, promise me something. Promise me that if you find someone you can love in _that_ way, don’t turn them down. Don’t turn them away for my sake. I want you. I _need_ you to be happy, to have that chance at happiness.”

He blew out a long sad sigh. Her hair fluttered about her face. Brushing Kathryn’s hair back from her face, he said, “I promise. But only if you do the same.”

She blinked away the tears welling in the corners of her eyes. Who could replace this man in her heart? Cupping Chakotay’s cheek once more, she reached up and kissed him softly. It was bittersweet and seasoned with the salt from their tears, but it was theirs. They broke apart and sat there holding each other waiting for the dawn when the past few days’ events would fall into memory.

|||||

Chakotay stood at attention while he watched Kathryn plead Ula’s case. Her command of rhetoric always impressed him. He observed with pride as the High Emperor was swayed to her line of thinking. Ula stood beside her father with her tentacle wrapped firmly around Lori’s. The Commander’s heart yearned for a favourable resolution for them.

As arguments were made on each side, Chakotay’s mind wandered. He reflected on the two women and everything they’d experienced so far. They had chosen to live for each other, to go beyond the duty and rank that constrained them to a certain lifestyle. They fought against imposed hierarchies. As he watched the Captain talk, he was unaware of similar thoughts buzzing around the back of her mind.

Janeway wasn’t oblivious to the parallels between Ula and Lorilma and herself and Chakotay. She wondered if her love wasn’t as strong as theirs. She and Chakotay hadn’t torn down the walls of restriction like the young women. Did they just not love each other enough? Or maybe they just couldn’t love each other, not here, not now.

She wondered if the future she sometimes dreamed of was enough to keep her hoping and living. Was living for an uncertain future just as selfish as throwing everything aside and taking that love now? She pushed the distracting thoughts aside. While she might not be able to have what her heart desired, these women would.

The Commander held his hands behind his back. A small smile curled at his lips as Kathryn and Emperor Kluuqlan shook ‘hands’. Behind them Ula and Lori hugged, tears running down their blue faces. It hit Chakotay that he’d been thinking about their latest adventure all wrong. It wasn’t Kathryn’s story; a lone woman with the responsibility of a world on her shoulders fighting to uphold what was right while struggling to hold onto what made her, her. It wasn’t about a woman stolen from her home by forces beyond her control.

This was their story. Far from home among a race hitherto unknown, they had found a couple whose own story reflected his and Kathryn’s. It was like looking in a mirror, the details were the same but everything was reflected back in the reverse. Unlike them, this pair had chosen love over duty. Only time would tell if that was the foolishness of youth or the surprising wisdom of the young. Which of them had chosen correctly, was yet to be seen.

Chakotay acknowledged the thanks of Kluuqlan and his daughter. He stood close to Janeway as they walked out of the conference room beneath the coral archway. The Commander hoped that one day his and Kathryn’s paths would converge like Ula and Lori’s. They had chosen love but were able to return to duty. Would he and Kathryn be able to choose duty and one day have love return to them? He could only live in hope.

|||||

When the supplies were loaded and _Voyager_ was once more underway, Neelix threw a party in the mess hall. It hadn’t taken much convincing on his part to win the Captain over. In recognition of their away mission and the two women who prompted it, Tom made a toast. Wrapping his arm around B’Elanna, he raised his glass high. It hadn’t taken long for Ula’s story to make its way through the crew. Kathryn wouldn’t be surprised if a holonovel of dubious quality loosely based on the future Empresses’ exploits emerged in the next month. So when Paris declared, “To love!” the cheers of the crew were heartfelt.

Across the hall, Chakotay’s eyes met hers. The truth they shared in that look went beyond words.

 _One day_.

Would that day come? Maybe. No matter how foolish it was, how illogical, she knew part of her would always believe it was a matter of _when_ not _if_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it to the end! I'm so glad that I could be part of this event, I had an absolute blast creating this story. Hopefully your experience reading it was also enjoyable!  
> I'd love to hear your thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> Have a good one!
> 
> JBeans


End file.
